off to war

On the 17th of January 2013, i woke up to discover two unexpected gifts.
I didn't see this coming.
I didn't even think Armin Mersmann would have any knowledge of my blog - it's so little - let alone take the time to write me such a thoughtful, honest and above all, supportive message.
I think i forget sometimes that i'm not the only artist in the world.
That sounds incredibly narcissistic but it's the simple fact that i live with myself every day, i'm only capable of knowing how i feel at all times and i'm not one to share.
I'll put it all over the internet, however. 
More making of the sense that is not, my speciality.

I regret not talking to my university friends about the feelings of inadequacy that were debilitating me while i was still in education.
They were probably feeling just the same and would not have been able to fix my problems but perhaps then i wouldn't have felt so small and so alone in my situation.
To be a Fine artist in a contemporary art school is not easy, thus why i fled so spectacularly.
This year i'll be receiving my Ordinary Degree, after 4 years of the university kindly holding my space open so i could complete with my Honours.
Which i can do whenever i wish. 
Hopefully they'd reaccept me but i'm not entirely sure DOJ is the place for me.
I'm not even sure if art is the right choice for me and until i know that i won't be returning to any institution of art.
It's really rather hard for someone like myself, who's ultimate goal within university was to receive a 1st and couldn't even bring themselves to start their final year.
It's all i wanted but i was a mess and it shouldn't have been what being an artist at art school was about.
I should have just wanted to create, instead i wanted to win.
Unhealthy but understandable.
I still want that 1st, i think i always will but if i go back to complete my degree, i just want to produce something that touches people.
Something i'm proud of.
But not too proud! 

So, thank you Mr Mersmann
I can't tell you how much receiving your message meant to me and how much it's given me to think about.
Happy Birthday for tomorrow and please keep producing your sublime works of art.
They may leave me timid but they are truly wonderful things to behold.

Also, to anyone who is currently at art school or even doing it solo and finds themselves in the same situation as i, message me if you'd like.
I can't fix it but i can empathise.
With bells on.

My other gift of the day was from my Mum.
It's always nice to wake up to a present, especially when you are utterly undeserving because of the ungodly hour you've finally dragged yourself out of bed to attempt functioning like a normal human being.
I won't tell you the hour but it was pretty bad.
The sun was going back down.
Shame, shame on me.
Thanks Mum.
You may be the only one i have but i still kinda think you're the best one.

Feel free to make barfing noises behind your computer screens at my unabashed soppiness!
I care not!



Listening to: Seamonster 'Bed of Roses'

«Oldest   ‹Older   3601 – 3673 of 3673
Dex said...

Bought my first cadbury's mini eggs of the year :)

Louise Boyd said...

Every time we reach a new page of comments i always get a little shock. It feels like we started being friends only a minute ago 0_0 Sorry i haven't been the greatest one of late, 2016 really was a bitch of a year =/

Mini Eggs are the devil's candy and bless him for their very creation! Now put down your bag and send it to me...

Jason Isaacs is actually a great suggestion but i think he's a bit too old now and perhaps a little too bear-like. Crowley's gotta be lean but intimidating. If you could put Jason Isaacs head on Fassbender's body then that could work. Where's Dr Frankenstein when you need him!
I keep having to tell myself to not get too excited about this. It could just break my heart and i'd like to be prepared =/

Dex said...

Hey, don't worry about it. I post too much, I know that. I suppose you can say that we balance each other out :)

I got a double dip from someone's Swizzel tin at work today :)

Louise Boyd said...

"I got a double dip from someone's Swizzel tin at work today :)"

...

My mind is a filthy place 0_0

Dex said...

I was incredibly proud of that sentence :)

Also, please say thank you to Emily for taking account of my antiquated ways when making her 12 Days of Christmas and putting her playlist on youtube. Her 12 Days really is one of the things I look forward to the most.

Louise Boyd said...

Dear boy, that is why you're in my Top 5 (outside the family) people. Were there mini Refresher bars in the tin?

Can do but will you ever jump on the Spotify train? It really is more efficient.

Ps. I forgot to send you this list of Screenrant's casting choices for Good Omens:

http://screenrant.com/good-omens-casting-amazon-tv-show-gaiman/

I'm so on board with War, Famine, Shadwell, Newt and Crowley. The other choices are making me squirm, especially Aziraphale =/ And i love him.

Dex said...

To be honest, I think it's a poor list. Far too many pretty faces. And the less said about Aziraphale, the better (except wtf?!). Let's take comfort in the fact that no real cast list is ever made up like that.

Yeah, you're right. I should use spotify. However, I do quite enjoy being as inefficient as possible :)

Holy Forest by pinkshinyultrablast

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZO2psc4En4

Dex said...

Oh, I forgot to say that there were mini refresher bars in the tin. I had a couple along with some fizzers and love hearts. Haven't had a double lollie yet though.

Dex said...

Junebouvier by Whirr

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obnLi07AK5w

Dex said...

I wonder if they still sell irn bru bars? They were quite variable. Sometimes they were sour and sometimes they were sweet. I wonder why? Anyway, I preferred the sour.

This is what happens when I post a message and just decide to write down my thoughts.

I'm thinking about sweets 90% of the time.

Dex said...

Today is the Day by Yo La Tengo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az3SHeMHC6c

Dex said...

Berlin Lovers by Still Corners

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCD9g1pH6BA

Dex said...

Umi by pinkshinyultrablast

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-cISmtXk1M

The Cherry Pit by pinkshinyultrablast

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuDscQBInyA

Dex said...

Take Me As I Am by Au Revoir Simone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lu5LxBPbqSc

Dex said...

We Have Everything by Young Galaxy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bD8lwY8gRs

Dex said...

It was snowing today :)

Dex said...

Mini rolls and digestive slices. This is what happens when I go shopping for food :S

Dex said...

Rise by Azure Ray

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPdgW_YrG7g

Dex said...

You know the best thing about February, Maggot? Pancake day :)

Dex said...

Flashback by Whirr

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsFOREd_lmo

Dex said...

Sorry for posting all the old music, Lilliputty. I've haven't quite got back to my music exploring ways. I'm just trying to re-discover some of my favourites.

Dex said...

I really need to start watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Louise Boyd said...

It's been two weeks since i've said a word to you.
...
Why do you even talk to me?! I'm such a dick =/
And yes, you must start watching IASIP. If you had Netflix you could watch 7 seasons of it...

Dex said...

Because I like continually proving that I'm not a robot.

Louise Boyd said...

If you were a Bender-type robot, i'd be cool with it.

Dex said...

Also, you know more about and have the best taste in music, books and tv/films of anyone I've ever met.

Plus you're foul mouthed and sarcastic.

What more could I ask for?

Louise Boyd said...

The ability to produce Skittles from my fingertips? That'd be neat.

I'm having a shit day so reading that you think i'm pretty darn cool - even though i find it very confusing - has made my day far less shit. Thank you, buddy, i'd really be a sadder sack without you.
I will however be staying in bed, drinking a never-ending mug of Options (because it tastes just as fucking good as regular hot chocolate in my opinion) while watching copious amounts of B-class tv (my current choice being Van Helsing, bless tv networks for feeding my love of crappy vampire storylines).

Dex said...

I think you're owed a good day, Maggot. Lots of them.

Dex said...

Lafaye by School of Seven Bells

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUrQnDVWXvo

Dex said...

I'm pretty sure that all I'm gonna do the rest of my life is go to work, listen to music and watch films :S

Dex said...

Braid by Gem Club

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=861qmIO1Pio

Dex said...

Teenage Tide by Letting Up Despite Great Faults

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk7KdYOF0Is

Dex said...

I Never Would by Seapony

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94A2PdHBUEk

Dex said...

Shortwave by Monster Movie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIAdXe-1lv4

Dex said...

No Letting Go by Mint Julep

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCrJmSByWN0

Dex said...

Lilliputty! Awesome free download :D

http://store.unseen-music.com/album/adorn

Dex said...

Happy pancake day, Maggot :)

Dex said...

Lilliputty, ask your sisters to go hunting for these :)

https://groceries.morrisons.com/webshop/product/Nesquik-Chocolate-Flavour-Milk-Slice/272192011?dnr=y

Dex said...

So, today I was taken to a room at work to discuss how my sarcastic sense of humour could be seen as offensive by some people. It was quite a friendly talking to but it still made me feel like shit. I really need to change my attitude. This is why I never get anywhere in life :)

Louise Boyd said...

...the fuck? You're the gentlest creature in all the land. What the actual fuck? That's essentially them telling you to not be you and that to me is unacceptable. Fuck. I'm furious for you.

Dex said...

Thank you, Maggot. You're the best. From now on, I'll just be myself with the people who deserve it. Especially you :)

Louise Boyd said...

Consider me honoured, Fungus. I wouldn't change you for the fucking world! Trade you for Nesquik slices, however? Well, that's a different story :)

Were you okay at work today? Not too weird?

Dex said...

Ditto :)

Work was okay, thanks Lilliputty. I just feel a little bit down but I'll get over it. I guess it doesn't take much to knock my confidence these days :)

I hope you're feeling better too and that the days are far less shit than they have been. I wish we were some place far away having adventures. Then again, I think we'd both miss our beds :)

Louise Boyd said...

I'd be just the same, m'dear. I think you were unfortunately the victim of someone lacking a sense of humour and the necessary receptors to recognise humour in other people. Common symptom in the planetary epidemic that is humanity but at least i still think you're cool and my opinion's the most important... right? :)

We could kick it old school and do a Bedknobs and Broomsticks kinda thing. Y'know, go on adventures but take our beds with us? I'd be down with that.

Dex said...

Or maybe we could just stick our bedrooms and all the other shit we'd need in a TARDIS :)

So long as you think I'm okay, then I don't really care about what anyone else says :)

Holy fuckballs, Lilliputty. You're destroying that reading challenge!

Louise Boyd said...

A Tardis! Why, of course! I think you should be the brains of the operation, i'm clearly better in the sleep department...

Last year i set a 50 book challenge and i think i was 2 books over? This year i'm aiming for 40 because it actually caused me stress. STRESS! I kept getting anxious that i wouldn't read enough books and what that would say about my ability as a reader. Not cool. Reading is the best part of my day. I can't sleep if i don't read. In no way do i want that experience to be stressful =/
...
I'm an actual lunatic, aren't i?

Dex said...

Utterly insane :)

For some reason, it always makes me happy to know how much you love books :)

Dex said...

Starting Over by LSD and the Search for God

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMKkbco7UFE

Dex said...

Dirty Dreams by Work Drugs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFl987mpXMk

Dex said...

No Winter, No Autumn by Moscow Olympics

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B49G2-SQQrI

Dex said...

Sunn by Swirlies

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZacuBAVNxY

Dex said...

Fallen Stars by SPC ECO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7TCYM-QYww

Dex said...

The Hours by Exitmusic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wudo85xfYCg

Dex said...

Follow Me Down by Swallow

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxrSc1sMeNg

Dex said...

Lazy Hunter by Boy Friend

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9HoeJ19mzA

Dex said...

Well, that's the rentals gone away for 5 weeks!

And I've got annual leave next week too :)

Dex said...

Hmm, trying to decide on my film list for my week off :)

Dex said...

On The Run by Postiljonen

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEnBrQYHJ8g

Dex said...

Another Tale From Another English Town by Lanterns on the Lake

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEKBQ9oUtSU

Dex said...

I think if I had a blog, I would call it Fuchsia's Attic.

Just a thought :)

Louise Boyd said...

0_0

Damn you, that's brilliant.

Dex said...

Thanks, Lilliputty. It's only taken me about 4 years to come up with a half decent name :)

Dex said...

Heartbeats by Thrushes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmK65dlPNTs

Louise Boyd said...

So... when does Fuchsia's Attic open its doors?

Dex said...

I don't think I have anything to say. I'm bad with words and I'm too lazy to look for stuff. I don't know where you find the energy :)

Louise Boyd said...

Why not try a Tumblr account instead? You don't have to talk on tumblr, just reblog like a maniac.

And i don't have energy, i have procrastination, thus, blogging.

Dex said...

Don't sell yourself short, Maggot. You do a fantastic job of maintaining your blog and other pages. That's a lot of work!

I'll give some serious thought to increasing my online presence :) I'm not sure it would be very good for me though, psychologically. I can get quite obsessive about some things as you've probably noticed :S

Dex said...

Dead City Emily by Marissa Nadler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_KVavjkdTs

Drive by Marissa Nadler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3uH8ipVEmA

Dex said...

I'm sorry for posting so much music lately, Lilliputty.

Dex said...

I've been spending my day deactivating most of my online profiles. I'm hoping that maintaining only a minimal presence online will improve my mood :)

Dex said...

Back to work tomorrow. I completely wasted my week off :)

Dex said...

So today for lunch I had red bull and mini rolls :S

Louise Boyd said...

...
Are you Willy Wonka and do you have a chocolate factory you'd be happy to let me raid? Sans creepy oompa loompas of course.

«Oldest ‹Older   3601 – 3673 of 3673   Newer› Newest»