samantha wilson

It's kind of breaking me just to look at these.

I don't know why there's an extra sting when i come across someone's work from my old stomping* ground.
That's a lie.
I do and it's childish and tired.
But university broke something inside of me and as a fairly fragile person, breaks don't mend easily.
So, to see someone from DoJ doing the kind of work i wasn't capable of.
Work that has the aesthetic and emotional resonance i desperately wanted mine to have and fell miserably short of.
Well, it kind of smarts a little.
But some people just have 'it' and others don't.
I'm the latter.
Technically? I'm a proficient draughtsman.
Give me something to draw and you'll get something aesthetically pleasing.
(although it's been years since i've picked up a pencil/pen/stub of charcoal so who knows what dire things might crawl through my fingertips these days)
But when it comes to producing work that actually means something?
Work that has something different and special about it?
I'm not your girl.
And that's okay.
Great in fact.
I love art.
I love looking at art.
I do it every single day.
And even though it slowly chips away at my confidence, i won't stop basking in other people's talent.
That's simply not the point of art.

*Not once did i stomp. I scurried and fled like a frightened beetle at every possible opportunity.