Chelsea Wolfe - oui oui marie (X ost)

March 18, 2022

Lizzy mcalpine - doomsday

rita sawayama - stfu!

awfultune - wild honey

goth babe - injured summer

labrinth feat. zendaya - I'm tired (euphoria ost)

poliça - rotting

asking for a friend, lostboycrow & dysn - one day you'll learn

Jacob banks - just when I thought

florence + the machine - my love

vancouver sleep clinic - love you like I do

mallrat // teeth/your love

khalid - last call

florence + the machine - heaven is here

Thomas Doherty - gimmie light/new tattoo (high fidelity ost)

banks - holding back

Troye Sivan & gordi - wait (three months OST)

coheed & Cambria - the liars club

cavetown feat. beabadoobee - fall in love with a girl

Gayle - abcdefu (angrier)

february

March 01, 2022

Things I enjoyed in the month of February:

Kelly DeVos', Eat Your Heart Out:

Update: In the next few hours, one of three things will happy.

1― We'll be rescued. No one is coming.
2― We'll freeze to death. We won't last that long.
3― We'll be eaten by thin and athletic zombies.

[...]

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Fuck.


My general feeling after finishing this is a tumbling of stuttered almost-thoughts:

It kind of...
I liked that, but...
Well, if they had done this...
I wanted more of...
Uh, y'know...
Oh, that was cool; although...

You know what I'm getting at.
It's one of those situations.
Where you didn't actively dislike anything per se, but enjoyment wasn't in abundance, either.
When I first saw Eat Your Heart Out in my twitter feed announcing its upcoming release, my first thought was fuck and yes!
Fat heroine rep?
Killing skinny zombies at fat camp?
Classic 80s horror movie trope structure?

Yes, yes, and ye-es.
That wasn't a snack they were advertising, my friends, that was a whole fucking banquet and it belonged in my brain-stomach.
Stomach-brain?
Whatever.
I preordered it immediately because I couldn't not.
The insane cover was just gravy.
Look at how badass it is.
Hot pink and mad as hell.
(Artist: Ursula Decay)
If I'd seen that image in the shelves of a bookstore as a kid, a kid who was deeply insecure in her body, hell, an adult who's insecure in her body, it could've changed my whole perspective.
All the heroines I grew up loving were skinny.

⚡️Buffy
⚡️Lorelei
⚡️Jen 
⚡️Veronica

etc.
All awesome, kickass, feminist as fuck heroines who I love dearly to this day (fuck you, Whedon, you can't take my slayer from me) but there's not an inch of body fat between them.
And that's fine, necessary even if we're talking about representation, but when that's all you're presented with as a kid (or adult; let's face it, it's still 99.9% the same), it entirely blinds you to the many and varied body types of women just as capable as a thin heroine.
(*deep breath* BECAUSE FITNESS COMES IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES. THIN DOESN'T = HEALTHY AND FAT DOESN'T = UNHEALTHY. I KNOW, REVELATORY! *sigh*)
I can't think of a heroine, even now, who isn't tiny.
Or "just the right kinda fat" for Hollywood.
I may love/fear Joan Harris but Christina Hendricks is a perfect hourglass with a thin face, big boobs, and long legs.
She's the human embodiment of Jessica fucking Rabbit, and that... that just isn't most women.
And to only be presented with the "ideal" is incredibly damaging to people's perceptions of themselves - thus why almost all women have some degree of body dysmorphia, starting from early childhood.
Which is why the cover of this book makes me so happy.
Why the heroine of the story being not only fat but athletic, generically smart and caustically funny, brings me so much fucking joy.
I needed Vivian Ellenshaw as a kid. I needed her to be an example of someone who could do whatever the fuck she wanted, be whoever the fuck she wanted, and do it all while not being what society expects of the "gentler sex".
Even that term, it's so limiting.
Be small, be quiet, be sexy but not a slut, be smart enough but don't know too much, enjoy food but only if you have the metabolism to flaunt it.
Have perfect skin but don't wear too much makeup, be strong but don't grow bulky muscles.
And don't you dare have hair where it naturally grows.
zombie gifs Page 61 | WiffleGif

Be a robot with no bodily functions, essentially.
And to that I say: get fucked.
I want fat women, I want disabled women, I want women of colour, I want women with acne and hirsutism and rosacea. I want trans women, I want women with mental health issues, I want strong women, I want women who are a bit of all those things.
I just want women.
In all their contrasts and similarities.
And for it not to be a fucking joke.
I don't want the jovial "big girl" best friend, I want her to be the star of the fucking show.
Like Vivian, who is one of the most unapologetically capable heroines I've read in a long, long time.
I'm no stranger to a female protagonist, in fact, they're my favourite flavour but most of them are, indeed, tiny women with supernatural abilities who could pound you into the floor with their itty bitty arms.
I expect these heroines, they're the norm.
I don't expect heroines like Vivian.
I want them, I desperately, desperately want them but they're so rarely given; in the recent past the only one I can think of is Nina from Leigh Bardugo's Six of Crows duology - love her, want to be her, would give good money for somebody to draw her fucking properly instead of thinning her down. Why, fan artists? Why?!
#sabedit from Shadow and Bone Ladies

But other than Nina, I'm completely blank.
And that's just fucking sad.
To read a heroine like Vivian was a gift.
Witnessing her mow down the undead solely with an oar was a thing of unhinged beauty.
#horror from CLASSICHORRORBLOG

Listening to her take no shit from anybody and take charge of situation she knew was probably going to end in someone kicking it, was bloody majestic.
I just wish it had come in the form of a slightly better book.
Ugh, it pains me to say that because this truly had the making of a story I could've loved, but the execution was just a little... *shrug*
Which seems impossible, what with the story going from 0 to 1000 within the first chapter and not letting up until the very end.
It's all zombie smash, zombie kill, zombie diediedie.
Zombie cerveau movies GIF on GIFER - by Dorilbine

It should have been a breathless, throat-clutching read but instead became a little tedious.
With no room to breathe between one undead attack and the next, it really gave no space to engage and care about any of the characters; especially when it's told from multiple POVs.
Normally I'm a big fan of different narrative perspectives throughout a story; it's great to be engrossed in one character but sometimes it's fascinating to find out what everyone else is thinking in the same situation, but in Eat Your Heart Out, it's just too small a book for this many people's thoughts and resulted in my absolute lack of fucks when certain characters got made into zombie chow.
Even the character I was rooting for the most couldn't rouse much more than an aw from me when they bit the dust.
That's not right, that's not cool. I want to be bawling my eyes out because the author had the audacity to snatch my happy ending from me.
Not shrugging and moving on with nothing more than an oh well, that sucks.
And I put that down to there just not being enough quality time with each character.
If you're going to do multiple POVs, you've got to make me care, or the minute I put the book down, I'll forget all about them.
(Which is why I kept putting this down for days at a time - not normal reading behaviour for me)
Honestly, that character I was rooting for? It takes a good brain squeeze for me to even remember their name.
...
And they're the one I cared about the most!
Again, I say: that's just not right.
Even the 80s horror structure couldn't save my interest from wandering off to whatever else I was reading at the time.
And I fucking love the 80s.
The jock with a heart of gold? The elite princess? The nerd, the weirdo, the outcast?
It's The Breakfast Club with zombies! and I just... I just wasn't in it.
Not even my beloved tropes couldn't save it.
But I'm thinking, just putting this out there, it's not the book, it's because I'm a jaded fuck who's seen way too many zombie movies and nothing surprises me anymore.
...
I honestly think that's it, because this is not a bad book. At all.
If I'd read this as a teenager, I'd've been all over it.
That little almost-romance thrown in there? Swooning. Swooning all over the place.
The level of gore and jump scares? Just about perfect for still-freaked-out-by-what's-possibly-living-under-the-bed pre-teen me.
The clichéness of how it's all laid out? You're practically told right at the start who's gonna die, and I appreciate that level of transparency. Much less stressful when you're a nervous brat.
The heroine being plus size and forked-tongue? Hello mirror, meet your reflection.
Super fast zombies? The best and most terrifying kind - 28 Days Later, you really ruined me for all other undead.

Yeah, thirteen year old me would've been a very happy camper.
So, when I say this is very much a YA book, I mean it in the best way possible because this is for kids who aren't inured to the fucked up, flesh-eating ways of the zombie yet and can still appreciate that they're fucking terrifying and not mildly ridiculous.
I blame The Walking Dead.
Fuck, that show got boring.
Gimme gore, not relationship drama.

So, I may not have loved this book but I'm in love with this book for existing.
Existing for every kid who's been told they can't because of their size, when they can, they absolutely fucking can.
They can slap the undead out of some walking corpses using just a paddle, while wearing rainbow clips in their hair, their thighs touching (you're a fucking majestic mermaid, and mermaids take absolutely no shit from anyone), and their arms jiggling with every clatter of that oar because they're fucking monarchs and fuck every single judgemental dickwad who's told them otherwise.
Fuck 'em all.

.............................................

Giada's, Baby Ciri's Adventures continuing to be adorable:

And the brooding babysitters in full Blue Steel:

Precious idiots.
You'll never wrangle the small one.
She's a terror.
#My Gif from Krystal91

.............................................

Yingzong Xin illustrating her real life escapades:

Illustrators freak me out.
I can draw a face, replicate it.
I cannot figure out how you draw the essence of someone's face/personality and get it down in a few lines.
It's bloody sorcery and I love it.

This piece of advice from Samantha Mash is pure gold, though:

.............................................

Queer Eye season six:

Gonna say it, not gonna regret it:

This is their best season ever.


I cried a lot.

Like... a lot, a lot.

It got kinda ridiculous.

But that's my boys for you.
Huggers of hearts and destroyers of tear ducts.
#tvedit from CINEMATV

Okay, next season, please.
I need the fucking endorphins.

.............................................

Savana Santos making my ears and brain oh so happy:

When the high notes hit.

.............................................

Back on my Griddlehark and Arcane bullshit:
catpotion

Saira Vargas
(If Saira draws it, I'm obsessed with it)

Laurentia Vicenza

Libby Frame

Alicia Ramos Castillo aka. pinapali

Djune
Elly

Maddie Gallegos

Cain

Io Kay

Teresa Bueno Fontanilla


I miss these idiots.

.............................................


Full disclosure, I haven't read the book, so I have no idea if this is a good adaptation.
But I'm lowkey obsessed with it.
As in, I haven't stopped thinking about it, pestering my mum (who has read the series) with questions, planning when I'll watch it again and only slightly bemoaning the fact that I didn't see it in the cinema because it was so bloody good and it looked so bloody good and the score was SO BLOODY GOOD, and I'm just out of my bloody mind for it.
...
And it was only part one.
Part freaking one!
Which is coming out (hopefully, depending how on fire the world continues to be) in October, 2023.
...

Feel better fanart:
Stephanie Pepper

.............................................

If this is Stockholm Syndrome, then I'm in:

I always thought the Beast was prettier than the prince, and if the library magically updates with new releases?
There's gonna have to be some corpse dragging to get me outta there.

.............................................


...

.............................................

A mini season of unseen/unfinished Studio Ghibli in gif reactions:

...

If you know, you know.
Studio Ghibli got a little taboo for a second there.

This was actually a rewatch but the first time I saw it, I was lolled in bed recovering from food poisoning/norovirus/the plague, with my mum and sister sitting vigil with a bucket.
I got so confused and stressed out at one point over what Umi and Shun's relationship was, they had to google it for me.
Apparently my dehydrated brain couldn't cope with anime complexities after a twenty four hour visit to the vomitorium.

⭑⭑⭑⭑⭑



...
#studio ghibli from —弁当 / OBENTOSS

I kept waiting for her to be sucked into a screwed up feline wonderland but it just refused to happen.
The Cat Returns tricked me into thinking this was a fantastical Ghibli.
This is why movie descriptions exist.
...
Still real fucking cute, though.

⭑⭑⭑⭐︎


...

It finally happened, I found a Ghibli movie I didn't really enjoy.
And I'm really fucking sad about it.
I'm blaming it on James Van Der Beek constantly screaming Sheeta's name.
It never stopped.
Sheeta! Sheeta! Sheeta! Sheeta! Sheeta!
...
Kill me.

⭑⭑⭑ 

.............................................

Savannah Alexander Betty Boop: 

Watching her break this down was awesome.
A testament to the intricacies of character design.
Tumblr: Image

.............................................

The dream:

The reason I've been stalking these around the internet for months:

.............................................

Devin Elle Kurtz's dragons:

And this fuzzy chonk:

I haven't watched The Last Airbender yet but I already know I'd do anything for this absolute unit.

.............................................


Takin' just as much pleasure in the peel as the print.
ASMR?

.............................................

Dark, the final season:

It hurts.
Everything hurts.
And nothing and everything makes sense.
But fuck, I've loved this series so much.
Future me needs to tell current me to tell past me to watch this brilliant fucking show way earlier than current me did the first time.
...

The last season was so confusing and I think the writers kinda tied themselves in a knot they couldn't escape, so the explanation for everything was kinda... loose, but damn.
Damn, damn, damn.
I've never seen anything like this before.
Versions of it but nothing with the same dreary, occult vibe german storytellers naturally infuse into their work.
It was beautiful and weird and heartbreaking.
I loved every second.
And I'm gonna watch it again. Immediately.
If only so I can experience the grownup version of Jonas looking *chef's kiss* this season:
#darkedit from all i can bear to be known

.............................................

Ina Dyreborg's tufted tiger tapestries:

I fucking love tufting.

.............................................

Avobabs update:

Their official titles:

🌱Klaus
🌱Neville Sidebottom
🌱Seven of Nine
🌱Celery
🌱Fatty Lumpkin

And now let me introduce 🌱Little Weirdo:

She's a rotten little squirt.

Oxidised and a little crunchy.
My non-binary zombie child.
Look at him go.

.............................................

kawao's gallavanting ghosts:

Maybe it's my inner spook but ghosts illustrations make me so fucking happy.
That first image just murders me.

And then there's this adorable bullshirt:

.............................................

Trailer trash...y goodness:

Is this cannibalism? It looks like cannibalism.
If it is, I'm more in than I was before.
Sarah Michelle Gellar Vampire Slayer GIF - Sarah Michelle Gellar Vampire Slayer Eating People - Discover & Share GIFs



Troyyyyyyye!
Precious Troye.
TRXYE | Troye sivan, Troyler, Youtubers



Commmme to me my historical babies.



Jordan Peele makes an alien invasion movie, I get over my aversion to alien invasion movies.
Simple as.



???!!! ← Forgive me, dear sister for my exclamatory sins.



It's almost time to watch Claire attempt, and fail, to prevent another historical event that cannot be prevented because she's not a fucking wizard.
...
I love this dumb show so much.
170 Sam heughan/caitriona balfe/outlander ideas | outlander, caitriona balfe, sam heughan

Just found out the show has gone over to Starzplay.
...



0:42

I am screaming.
Mercutio GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY



Netflix, you big ol' tease.



Jon Krakauer + Andrew Garfield? Oh, you know that's gonna be outstanding.



...
The fuck?



*spies novel to the left of me*
It is time.

.............................................

Rewatching Mad Men:

This hits so differently when your inner feminist is no longer a quiet voice at the back of your brain but an agonised battlecry at the forefront.
I used to find Don Draper attractive, now I can barely stand the sight of him.
He's fucking fascinating.
A screwed up, malicious scumbag capable of great love and even greater compassion.
A villain in a nice suit.
A pseudo-father.
A father-father.
A "lover" of women.
An undeserving savant.
He's so damn complicated and he's not even the most interesting character.
My longtime boss-bitch is:

Peggy Olson, the jerk of my heart.

.............................................


...

.............................................


As a self-confessed shipping fiend - I can find chemistry in a sneeze - I am so here for platonic opposite sex relationships.
Just any form of chemistry, to be honest.
If there's banter, my heart's a'canter.
...
I'm sorry.
Here are some of my favourite POSR's:
Feyre and Cassian
(Since day fucking one, they were bros. And when they gang up on Rhys... *happy sigh*)

(He bought her a fucking ruffly dress because her mechanic ass fell in love with it, and I just... get you a boss-bestie who makes your dreams come true)

(I'll fight anyone who tries to make them romantic. Beheading buds for life)

#themagiciansedit from what if we suddenly get a craving and i want to eat her?
(Tv, not the books.  I know Coldwater crushed hard as a kid but they're so much better when he gets over it and they just fuck magical shit up together)

...
My brain's collapsed in on itself and I can't think of any more, and there are lots more.

Here's some same sex bonuses because they're just so fucking cute:
(My ooey gooey Raven Boys, they love each other so much!)


#aidan turner from little red bird
(I'm doing this because I love you - *cries forever, eternally, until kingdom come*)
 

(We're talking the first three season, before the show went to absolute shit. My ladies were done dirty)

...
There are so many more but again, mush brain.

.............................................

puba24's lonely ghost girl:

My heart...

Her angular noir style, though:

It's giving me super strong urges to rewatch Angel Heart.
Mickey Rourke dancing with the Louisiana Devil.
Yes, and please, and thank you kindly, Mr. Satan.

.............................................


...
HOW DARE THESE NOT BE MADE!

I can't unsee this!
we could have had it all

.............................................


This is how it's done.
This is how not to be an asshole.

.............................................


Fiction: for the introverted voyeur.


.............................................

Teuta Matoshi's florals:

If I ever got my hands on one of these I'd totally embarrass myself with the excessive twirling.

.............................................


Shivers.
It's always with the fucking shivers.
This goddess of a woman.
Snapping necks and leading wrecks.
Florence, we've missed you.
#florence and the machine from I n d o m i t u m

.............................................

Foraging fairy house makers:
Tyler Gaca

Rebecca Stice

I have a small Ferrero Rocher box and I am having thoughts!

.............................................

Starstruck season two:

Just shut up and watch it.
And not in episodical bites.
Be greedy.
Watch it in a day.
In a night.
It's required.
Rose Matafeo says so.
Canal Plus Yes GIF by CANAL+

.............................................

Lore & Olympus by April Johnston:

...
#i love you from When words fail

My head has officially exploded.
Buh bye.

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