january

February 01, 2023

Things I enjoyed in the month of January:

Seanan McGuire, Ashes of Honor:

[This review will contain SPOILERS, don't blame me if you see things you shouldn't, you were warned, I capitalised it and everything.]


The first time I used the Shadow Roads, I was terrified, cold, and confused. Since then, I've been dragged along them for miles, hauled onto them without my consent—and without enough warning to catch my breath—and even stranded alone in the dark, once, when it was throw me into the shadows or let me get shot with a potentially poisoned arrow. You'd think a place of absolute blackness where I got hypothermia would never manage to seem comforting. You'd be wrong.
Every time I was on the Shadow Roads, Tybalt had me, or Tybalt was coming to get me out of the dark. No matter how cold it was, no matter how dark it was, I always knew someone was going to come and bring me home. There's power in that.


Would you like to see a physical representation of how I feel after reading Ashes of Honor?
*has no way of receiving cries of yea or nay, does it anyway!*

That's me, in all my starry-eyed, Sailor Moon, chibi glory.
Minus the space buns, for alas, I can only make space nuggets; it's very upsetting.
...
Thenonsensehasclearlystartedalreadybut this was the best way to start off the year!
With my favourite Fae idiot, Sir October Daye, her cocksure, status-unconfirmed paramour, Tybalt, King of Cats, and the rest of her chaotic faerie rabble tagging along for the shitstorm Toby always seems to land herself in.
I love my Fae idiots, I love Seanan McGuire for writing them, and I especially love that after the trauma of One Salt Sea, she soothed our collective hurts with something I've been waiting for since book one:
my ship is sailing gifs | WiffleGif

It happened, it finally happened, Tybalt and Toby finally got their shit together and admitted their feelings.
There were awkward declarations, tentative softness, long-awaited embraces, and of course it all happened in the midst of mortal peril, because it's Toby and Tybalt, where else could it possibly go down for two people who attract more trouble than a bad-luck-charmed Brownie?


"... I hated the changelings for so long. It was a changeling that killed my wife, intentionally or not, and doubled that . . . that pain by leaving me alone."
I started to pull my hand away, but he caught it, pulling me back. "I wanted to hate you. Amandine got to keep her mortal lover and have her mortal child, even if she lost them eventually. I wanted to hate you because you made me think of Anne."
"What changed?"
"I fell in love."
Four words, simply stated, and impossible to believe. "You can't mean that."
"Can't I? It's been a long time since I've loved someone, but I know what it feels like. When you turn from me, it hurts. When you think badly of me, I think badly of myself. When you do stupid, suicidal things, I want to slap you upside the head and demand to know how you can be so brilliant and so blind at the same time." Tybalt's expression was calm. "If that's not love, what is it?"
"Why are you telling me this?" I whispered.
"Because we're probably going to die today." He waved his free hand toward the street. "I've always tried not to lie to you; I've seen how you react when others do. Dying without telling you how I felt would be lying. I've been patient. I've given you time to recognize my feelings, and I've seen you choose a man who loved the girl you were, not the woman you are. Now he's gone, and I can't be patient anymore. I love you, October. I'll be sorry if we die here, but I won't be sorry I helped you . . . and I won't be sorry I finally told you."
"Tybalt . . ."
"Cats never regret anything," he said, and he turned and kissed me.


It would feel practically alien for these two to, I don't know, admit they love each other over a cup of Toby's much loved coffee that Tybalt's just finished teasing her affectionately but mercilessly over?


"Is there really coffee?"
"I assure you, October, while I might tease about many things, I value my life too much to hang my jests on coffee when you are involved."
"You know, a simple 'yes' would have sufficed."
Even the human disguise couldn't dull his feline grin.
"Yes. There's coffee."


No, mortal peril was exactly right for my chaos-babies, and I'm a fucking mess over it.


I stepped away from Tybalt, moving to a blackened patch on the green marble floor. I knelt there, laying my fingertips against the stone, hearing the blood sing to me through the layers of ash that separated us.
"You died here," I said, very quietly.
"October—"
"I wasn't there, and the girl I'm supposed to be finding was, and you died." I looked up at him caring through the tears in my eyes. I left my fingers balanced on the floor, letting his blood sing its song of pain and longing. Longing to live; refusal to let go of the world. Maybe that's what differentiates the Kings and Queens of Cats from the rest of Faerie. They have a cat's stubbornness and the power to back it up. So when death says, "Go," they just refuse.
My heart hurt. My heart hurt so badly, and I was still trying to recover from Connor, and oh, Titania, I couldn't do this again. The thought startled me. I froze where I was, still glaring.
Tybalt sighed. "I know." He hesitated before adding, "This is not the time, and this is not the place, and my nephew needs us. But I ask you to consider this. I got better. I will always get better." He hesitated again—possibly the first time I'd ever seen him pause more than once after he'd decided he was going to say something.
"Finally," he said, "Some of us, October, will not leave you."


And I won't stop talking about it until I've exorcised allllll my feelings.
We may be here a while.
Tumblr: Image

...
Or not, because I might only be capable of inhuman squeeing, and that's a tad hard to translate into print.
Plus, there's my abject shock over it actually happening.
I've waited six books and a whole lot of bicker-flirting to arrive at this moment, and for it to happen now?
After the previous book, after losing Connor (still choking up over it, not gonna lie), I honestly wasn't expecting Seanan to be so kind.
To allow Toby to, not move on as such, but move forward and not have to wallow in her grief, shove Tybalt away as far as possible because how could she possibly even contemplate admitting her feelings when her childhood sweetheart just died saving her daughter's life?


I'd been pushing everyone away as hard as I could since Connor died, trying to isolate myself in order to protect my heart against further damage. Losing a lover and a child on the same day was more than anyone should be asked to bear. But how much could I ask my friends to bear? How much could I expect them to take before they said, "Fine, if you want to push us away, we're going"?


How could she move on so easily?
(Seanan basically murdered a human cinnamon roll, one of the greatest crimes in literature, I wouldn't have blamed her if she'd given Toby a minute or six to get her shit together)
Because nothing's that fucking simple.
Toby says it best herself:


There's always something going wrong. If I put my life on hold until everything was calm, I'd be waiting forever for the chance to start living.


I'm so used to being tortured by authors, having to wade through thousands of pages to get the satisfaction of my OTP-ship setting sail on the high, smooshy seas, that for Seanan to acknowledge the complexity of grief and how it isn't as simple as inexplicable suffering, and that maybe, just maybe, Toby deserves and has earned the right to be happy, it felt like a gift.


Sometimes a chance is more than enough. Sometimes that's all you need to have everything.



And one given easily.
This book was just as wonderful as its predecessors, I enjoyed every minute (imo, it's the best Fae urban fantasy series out there), but it wasn't laden down with the angst I'm so readily prepped for whenever I venture back to San Francisco to be with my curmudgeonly knight in fae armour.
I'm almost numb to the inevitability that 1) someone will be trying to kill Toby - my girl has a knack for pissing people off, 2) she'll lose a fuck ton of blood in the process - I have physically, not just mentally, gagged at certain gruesome points in the series; Seanan, why?, 3) the martyr complex Toby walks around with on a daily basis will be pushed to its absolute limit because if something bad's happening, it must be her fault - survivor's guilt is a real bitch, and 4) there's a high chance someone she love's gonna croak, kick the bucket, shuffle off this mortal coil - if Toby can casually quote Shakespeare, so can I.
This quadrille of suck is to be expected, I expect it, but perhaps because Seanan McGuire was in such a giving mood after One Salt Sea, she made Toby's role in the story essential as always, but not the main cause of whatever fuckery Faerie's glitter-spewed up this week.
For once, she's not the centre of the current travesty and it's not a consequence of her existence.
I mean, yes, someone's still trying to kill her, and sure, she gets stabbed multiple times throughout the story and almost dies at least twice, and of course the puzzle she's trying to solve involves people she loves, but in Ashes she kinda gets to kick back a bit.
kaorym.tumblr.com - Tumbex

Not physically - the woman has the energy of someone with Red Bull being intravenously pumped into their veins; she. does. not. quit - but her strength, abilities, and mental fortitude are loaned out to those surrounding her instead of mostly being used to battle for her own life.
She's a detective, this is what she does, and I was so happy to be back by her side, figuring shit out, being sarcastic as hell while we did it, but not having to suffer with quite the same intensity.
Because honestly, this was a much needed break, the series so far has been stressful and I don't know about anyone else but this bitch right here has high empathy and it applies to fiction as well as real life.
If Toby's stressed out, I'm stressed out.
If Toby's bleeding out from a mortal gut wound, I'm having sympathy pains.
I needed a break.
And for some reason a rogue, overly-powered, teleporting changeling accidentally collapsing Faerie by opening doors to worlds she shouldn't was my idea of a book vacation.


Once, the Tuatha de Dannan were responsible for guarding the doors between worlds. It was their duty and their joy, at least to hear them talk about it. They kept each world's monsters safely contained and prevented wars from spilling from one world into the next. When Oberon sealed the doors, the Tuatha were left with no purpose. But a Tuatha changeling with more power than she knew what to do with, who didn't know yet what was impossible . . .
Chelsea was in real trouble. So were the rest of us.


Imagines Galore — found family - yennefer

...
I never claimed to be a sensical person.
But I know how to have a damn fine time in fiction, which sadly hasn't been the case for the last few months.
I've been experiencing what is widely known as: The Book Slump.
A state of being I didn't fully appreciate the suckitude of, simply because I'd never felt it before.
And Oberon's tits does it suck.
I started properly, obsessively reading in my early twenties when depression king-hit my ass into the abyss and books were magically there, ready for my poor, battered brain to escape into.
Book A Chance To Escape GIF - Book A Chance To Escape Instruction - Discover & Share GIFs

It became my greatest love, my favourite pastime, the place I go for all manner of reasons: safety, connection, escapism, joy, relief, and so much more.
And it's remained that way for a really long time, I've been insanely lucky.
Until my anxiety reached a peak at the end of 2022, and every book I picked up felt so wrong it was offending my brain.
Not every book was bad, some just weren't for me and that's no one's fault, I can't like everything, but the joy was gone, the itch in my brain to finish whatever life-bullshit I had to do and get back to the story I was currently engrossed in was entirely missing.
I was dreading reading each day.
Dreading that turn to the next chapter, when before it was a mini endorphin high that kept me form plummeting those depressive, Stygian depths once again.
I can't truly explain how isolated and cast out it made me feel to be barred from my sanctuary for no apparent reason.
To all sudden have no solace, no narrative happy pill to pop and busy my mind for a few hours each day with.
And it wasn't solely books, tv and movies weren't cutting it, music was alright but nothing was holding my attention for more than a couple of days.
I was entirely on my own, and it was hell.
And it happened during Christmas.
CHRISTMAS.
Critmas Critical Role GIF - Critmas Critical Role Leigh574 GIFs

Thankfully, I used my brain, groaned about it to my sister and she told me to either read something entirely out of my element or something I know will make me happy.
I chose the latter, and lo and behold, I survived the season with a happy book experience under my stuffing-filled belt.
Which is why I made a promise to myself that once the New Year hit (not a resolution, I don't partake in that fuckery) my reading choices would be entirely hedonistic, I'd choose based on my mood, endorphin needs, even the length of the story, and not be swayed by booktok, new releases, or even suggestions from GR friends/my family (sorry GR friends and the fam, your book-taste slays, but I'm taking a selfish).
And if that means I only read books by authors I love, or finish entire series consecutively - something I never do, then so be it, if that's what my brain needs, then finding new authors and stories to obsess over can wait until my serotonin levels aren't being bounced around in a Underworld-themed pinball machine.
But if I want to try something new, too, that's fine as well.
More than fine.
But I'm allowed to declare not today satan! to whatever I'm not enjoying, abandon it until another time, and go hunt down something else that'll make me happy.
It's even happened already, because I didn't initially choose Ashes of Honor as my first book of 2023, I chose from another series I love, Rivers of London, because, well, I picked it up and felt a good vibe.
Yeah, I Marie Kondo'd that shit, and well, Kurashi-ing is not as full proof as she'd have you believe, because two chapters into The Hanging Tree and I was a resentful, grumpy mess.
Which is resulted in at least two days of arguing with my brain as to whether to continue - totally going against my book resolve, finally beating that idiot grey matter into submission and choosing Toby.
I should always choose Toby.
If I finish all the currents books in the series this year, I won't be mad - sad and impatient for the next story, but Seanan has so many other series that I can pick one of those up instead, thus listening to my book resolve! - because I'll probably be a lot happier than if I continue to fight my way through books I'm not enjoying.
...
Did I just join the DNF association?
plot twist on Make a GIF

Wonders will never cease.
Although, mine's probably going to be more like DNF-WC (did not finish - will continue).
I can't abandon all my frustrating brain-fuckery at one time, I'm nowhere near that rational, which is why I will continue with The Hanging Tree at some point, I just don't know when.
But for now I'm going to bask a little more in the glow Toby and Tybalt finally making my shipping dreams come true.


"October, [...] since your return [...] you handed me a hope chest in a dark alley. You took my heart as collateral, and you've never returned it."
Things always get messed up when I think about them too much. So this time, I didn't let myself think. I took a few quick steps down, closing the distance between us, and planted a kiss on Tybalt's mouth. His eyes widened in surprise. Just as he was recovering enough to kiss me back, I stepped away, and said, "I'm going to get changed. Go make sure May and Jazz go off with Danny, okay? I'll be down as soon as I can."
"Yes," said Tybalt, sounding slightly dazed—and then he turned and went.
It wasn't until I was in my room with the door securely closed between us that I realized that this was the first time I had kissed him. He'd kissed me, sometimes for show, sometimes because he meant it . . . but I'd never kissed him before. Things between us really were changing.



They're so fucking cute, I can't stand it.
All those terribly unsubtle hints Tybalt's been giving her over the years that've basically screamed I love you, you idiot, and you love me back; I'll wait as long as you need, but at some point would you stop fucking around so we can be happy, already! are finally being acknowledged.


I laughed and was still laughing when Tybalt took my arm and led me back into the shadows. They were no warmer this time than they'd been before, but they felt safer. I was getting more comfortable in them, and more at ease with the fact that Tybalt had me—he had me, and there was no way he was going to let me go while we were out there in the dark. Tybalt would never let me go. Maybe it was time for me to come to terms with that.


And it isn't changing them, they're still the dickheads I know and love them to be.
Personal pet couple peeve: when an MC finally get together and all the faux-animosity leaves the chat.
...
If I fell in love with the two of them bicker-flirting, that's how I want them to continue being in love.
They can still be affectionate and give each other shit at the same time, I actually insist on it!
Trade barbs.
#elena and damon gif from Maçãs

Give each other a peck on the forehead.

And then transform into a cat and wrap around the other's leg before disappearing off to do something potentially perilous.


"Can you scout the hall? Just make sure we're alone before we leave here."
"It would be my pleasure," said Tybalt. The smell of musk and pennyroyal swirled around him and he was gone, replaced by a large tabby tomcat. He walked over to me, rubbed himself against my ankles, and turned to slink out of the antechamber, vanishing behind the tapestry that covered the entrance.


Damon Tvd GIF - Damon TVD Cats - Discover & Share GIFs

That's what I want.
And thank Maeve, that's what Seanan's giving me.
Ashes of Honor felt like the first tentative smile after a loss, while you're in the midst of grieving, when it feels verboten, a betrayal to experience anything other than despair, to smile a dishonouring of the missing, when really it's all they'd want for you and everything you could possibly need.
And for once it didn't cost Toby anything.
My question is, though, if the Cait Sidhe are already staging coups and trying to assassinate her even before her and Tybalt have confirmed the status of their relationship, what the hell's going to happen now?
I guess we'll see, because my Fae-babies are going on a date!:

No Sooner Met

I had taken plenty of time to consider the courtship of October Daye, giving it much and thorough thought. What it would entail. How it would proceed. How the very nature of October would change each of the essential steps, transforming a time-honored tradition into something strange and new and potentially hazardous to my health. It was an exciting prospect. I have never lost my fondness for being surprised, nor my eagerness for novelty. Not, I hasten to add, that October herself was a novelty to me. No. She was so much more, and always had been, even in the days when I denied myself the honest admission of loving her.


Don't mind me, just having a proud parent moment.

And losing my mind slightly because the date's told from Tybalt's POV, and he's as much the gentleman rogue with a heart of fucking gold who's batshit in love with Toby as I always suspected him to be.
I'm having a totally normal reaction to this:


October was my family now, too, and had been since the day she staggered naked out of the Japanese Tea Gardens, sending the cats of Golden Gate Park into a tizzy. It hadn't been the first time she'd thrown my life into upheaval. Maeve willing, it would be far from the last.


And this:


She looked down at the flowers, her swallowed thanks practically visible in the shape of her lips. Then she looked up again, pushing past it to find a smile. "Would you like to come in?"
My heart, never the most trustworthy of organs where October was concerned, gave a lurch.
I would have answered any question she put to me in the positive, if only she would smile at me so. "I would like nothing better," I said, and stepped across her threshold.
[...]
Lord, and Ladies, she was beautiful. She was wearing sweatpants and a tank top the color of dried blood, with her unbrushed hair pulled into a messy ponytail, and from the way my heart hammered in my chest, you would think I had never seen anything lovelier. There was no question: I was lost.


And this:


I looked away politely, pretending not to notice how long it took for her to spin a human face out of the night air. Finally, she said, disgusted, "Okay. I'm good."
I turned back to her. A think veil of blue covered her eyes and her feature were blunted, softened, until she could have passed in any human home. She was still beautiful. Perhaps it was a flaw in my character, but I could not imagine any face that she could wear that I would not be hopeless enamored with.


Fuck sake they're adorable, and awkward, and of course can't have a normal date without someone trying to kill them.
I've heard of death by chocolate but this was taking it a little too literally.


"Do you remember, my dear October, how we commented on the precious calmness of this night, and how pleasant it was for the both of us?" I asked.
"Yes . . ." she said, brows furrowing again.
"Apparently, we spoke too soon." I put the fork down on the plate, next to the otherwise untouched cake. "Someone is trying to kill us."
"Oh," she said. "Well, that's nice."
I raised an eyebrow. "Nice?" I said dubiously.
"Yeah. If this is the other shoe, it's dropped. Now let's go kick somebody's butt so that we can get back to having a nice time."
This time, I was the one to burst out laughing. It seemed the only suitable response to the situation. 


Was I worried, though?
Nope.
My idiot children make the perfect team, they have always done, and now they get to make-out and eat poison-free cookies at the end of a hard day fending off their enemies.


She pulled away, tangling her fingers with mine in the process. "Come on in. The cookies are getting cold."
"Ah," I said. "We can't have that." And I allowed her to pull me into the warm, bright kitchen, where the air smelled of sugar and the rest of the household was waiting. It had been a long night, but in that moment with October's hand in mine and only friends around us, it felt like we were finally finding the way home.


*happy sigh*
I couldn't have asked for anything more.


Bonus quote to immortalise Tybalt knowing his Henson masterpieces:


"Do whatever hoodoo you need to do to know if Raj is nearby."
"Hoodoo?" said Tybalt, sounding amused. "I'm the King of Cats, October, not the King of Goblins."
"And you don't live in a labyrinth, but that doesn't mean you can't make like a Henson character and start scrying for our missing boy. Also, how have you even seen that movie? Does the Court of Cats have cable?"


Aren't my husband and wife adorable?

.............................................

xephia's Ghibli art:


And some cute af bonuses:

I love their style.
It does really nice, soothing things to my brain.
Kikis Delivery Service Nature GIF - Kikis Delivery Service Nature Plants - Discover & Share GIFs

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The Witcher: Blood Origins:

My only complaints?

🐺 It was too bloody short.
🐺 I want more, and I won't get any - limited series, godsdammit.
🐺 And I should never, ever have favourites.

Other than that, I don't see what everyone's problem is.
the Witcher blood origin | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs | Tumpik

It's perhaps a little more serious than The Witcher, but just as beautiful - major props to the location scouts, cinematographers, costume designers, makeup artists, et al.
The band of misfits we follow the story through are adorably stupid, hot-tempered, and in desperate need of a cuddle - Geralt, this is Geralt.
And finally getting to see just how the original Witcher was made was really fucking cool, and not at all what I expected.
I was totally into it.
Stabby-grossness and all.
Until my soft-spot character went and got themselves killed.
*sigh*
I have to stop falling in love with human marshmallows, they never survive.


Ps. Who's still fucking livid that Cavill's abandoned us for Warhammer, and baby Hemsworth's replacing him? - baby Hemsworth gets a movie pass for life for The Dressmaker, but as Geralt? I'm imagining the accent and the wig ... *laugh sobs*

Everyone?
Okay, that tracks.
...
Cavill, how could you?!

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Ulla Thynell:

Every fibre of my being wants this tapestry festooning the wall where I sleep.
...
Those fibres, however, are forgetful chumps, as they've forgotten my bed is cocooned with books and all wall space is occupied.
...
Damn my love for physical literature and classic fairy tale illustrations, and not having the room for them to coexist!
Hook Once GIF - Hook Once Killian GIFs


Ps. Just watch how Thynell creates these beautiful scenes:

I hadn't seen this technique of ink and pencil used together before, and its very texturally satisfying.
YARN | It's like a Fairy Tale! | Futurama (1999) - S07E22 Comedy | Video clips by quotes | 28d92d29 | 紗

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The Refined Art of Tsundoku:

House Andrews, facilitating my obsession.
This is why I love them.
Even if it will result in my untimely death by book avalanche.
reading funny gif | WiffleGif

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GON-HYO's Bubbline art:

I'm sobbing.
Totally normal response.
Totally.

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The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse:

If I hadn't been watching this with my family, I'd've burst into tears.
the boy the mole the fox and the horse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs | Tumpik

Holy shit, it was achingly beautiful and soft, and sorrowful and hopeful, and the original illustrations so very tenderly translated into motion.
the boy the mole the Fox and the horse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs | Tumpik

I almost lost my mind over silver birches, for fuck's sake.
I mean, silver birches look like something from an elven forest anyway, but illustrated?
It's too much pretty for one brain to handle.
And then Charlie Mackesy went and used of one of my favourite illustrative motifs, the reflection (John Bauer's illustration of Princess Tuvstarr is a particularly wonderful example of this):

And my heart exploded in my chest.
Thus why I flopped over the kitchen table and made pitiful noises at my sister while I got my shit together.
The Boy the Mole the Fox and the Horse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs | Tumpik

The BBC doesn't much right, but this?
Gorgeous, beautiful, wonderful don't carry enough to weight to do it justice.
I'm going to go cry over my copy of the original story, now.
A boy the mole the fox and the horse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs | Tumpik

No one look.
Never look at weeping goblins, it's bad luck.
The Boy the Mole the Fox and the Horse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs | Tumpik


Ps. Did I cry looking for these gifs?
Yes, I did.
Am I currently a  hormonal mess?
Mmhmm.
Would I have sobbed either way?
Absofruitly Seth Acosta GIF - Absofruitly Seth Acosta Vivian - Discover & Share GIFs

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Wenqing Yan's Celestial Koi Lantern:

Successfully funded through Kickstarter, you can preorder your very own Koi and feel a little closer to living in an anime.
...
Unlike me, who'll be crying in their Koi-less room because the shipping from the US would actually break me in two, PVA me back together, and snap me like a KitKat all over again.
Winston Bishop Stares Then Cries (New Girl) | Gifrific

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Meet Cute:

You know how at the end of Groundhog Day, after thirty three years and three hundred and fifty days of acquiring new skills, bettering himself, trying to get the girl, he's ultimately learns nothing?
Meet Cute is the exact opposite of that.
Maybe not a better movie but delivers a much more satisfying conclusion.
And it's funny, and weird, heartbreaking, and totally fucked up, 
Pete Davidson is the unexpected cinnamon roll sweater boy of the story, and Kaley Cuoco the absolute nightmare.
Im From The Future Sheila GIF - Im From The Future Sheila Kaley Cuoco - Discover & Share GIFs

Who, by the way, as I've firmly believed for years, was beyond wasted in The Big Bang Theory.
The best thing in it by far, she carried that incel dumpster fire, but a complete waste of her talent.
In Meet Cute she's irreverent, unhinged, aggressively hopeful, and so very, very broken.
Do You Think Im Crazy Sheila GIF - Do You Think Im Crazy Sheila Kaley Cuoco GIFs

I've never seen a performance like this from her before, but it didn't take me by surprise, it's always been there, just waiting to escape from fanboy hell.
And if this is what happens when she's let loose to perform her ass off and have it seem perfectly natural?
Then bring it the fuck on.
Thinking Sheila GIF - Thinking Sheila Kaley Cuoco GIFs

I already wanted to watch her show, The Flight Attendant, but this just makes me more determined.
But for now I'm gonna rewatch Meet Cute and develop my crush on her a little more.
I know everyone else seems to have a thing for Pete Davidson but nah, Cuoco's my lady.
Relieved Sheila GIF - Relieved Sheila Kaley Cuoco GIFs

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alariko:

They look like scenes from stories I haven't read yet.
...

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Rewatching two contrary shades of Austin Abrams:
Dash and Lily

Here we have the curmudgeonly, Christmas cinnamon roll.
Coming Dash GIF - Coming Dash Austin Abrams - Discover & Share GIFs


Do Revenge

Wink Max GIF - Wink Max Tara GIFs

And this special creature is the despicable, faux-feminist, douchebag sociopath of all our collective nightmares.
...
I love both of him.
I don't know why.
Someone please send me a link to watch Euphoria so I can see him and Barbie Ferreira be adorable together.
bleulone — — EUPHORIA | Kat and Ethan in 1x04 (5/?) : aka....

.............................................

The Sobbering:

Well, there's a few, I cry a lot, but the ones that truly annihilated me...

💧Gideon the Ninth, Tamsyn Muir
(I know it's gonna get "fixed", but shit, that hurt)
💧American King, Sierra Simone
(I don't think a plot twist has ever hit me this hard)
💧Thrown Off the Ice, Taylor Fitzpatrick
(*sobs hockey pucks* This ruined my fucking life)
💧The Song of Achilles, Madeline Miller
("I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell, I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world." ... I will never be okay)
💧Teeth, Hannah Moskowitz
(Monster love at its most necessary. This made me howl)
💧Into the Wild, Jon Krakauer
(Don't let me talk about Alexander Supertramp)
💧If We Were Villains, M.L. Rio
(If you know, read this, it helps)
💧The Last Werewolf, Glen Duncan
(It's been five years, and I'm still not ready to read the sequel)
💧A Court of Mist and Fury, Sarah J. Maas
(Soup)
💧Crooked Kingdom, Leigh Bardugo
(How could you, Bardugo? Do waffles mean nothing to you?!)
💧All the Ugly and Wonderful Things, Bryn Greenwood
(Don't talk to me. Ever)
💧Abhorsen, Garth Nix
(Pupppppppyyyyyyy)
💧Cloudstreet, Tim Winton
(Grandpa ❤️)

the neverending story bastian bux gif | WiffleGif

.............................................

Our Flag Means Death:

Shit List Addition Number 5004:

Izzy Hands.
Everyone starts at level one — (Not my Gif!) Also this has gender neutral reader,...

I love him, but he's a very bad man.
A bad man in desperate need of a cuddle and some domming from Blackbeard.
But still a very, very bad man!
I will never forgive.
No one makes Blackbeard cry but his husband, Stede Bonnet, and it's only happy tears from giggling so hard over outfit swapping:
resting on a knife, you heavy souls — OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH Taika Waititi as Edward...

...
Bad, Izzy, bad!
...
I will never not act like an idiot over every character on this ship.
They are precious cinnamon rolls and must be protected at all costs.
Look at themmmmmm:
Our Flag Means Death Ofmd GIF - Our Flag Means Death Ofmd Stede Bonnet - Discover & Share GIFs


Ps. I fucking love this show, if it wasn't obvious.
Stede has my whole fucking heart for this alone:
TWO Y'S FOR YOU : “Seriously, stop it.” OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH -...

Just watch it.
It's on the iPlayer.
We're literally being given queer pirates for free.
FREE.
Favorite Thing Our Flag Means Death GIF - Favorite Thing Our Flag Means Death Ofmd - Discover & Share GIFs


FANART TIME:
Adam Murphy

Maureen Narro

Emily Colby

Alba H.

epsilynn

Frederieke Laura Mooij

Aiwa

Whiteley Foster

ILLUSTORY

Jenn Lee

Chaos Incarnate

Madi Fernandez

Dory Whynot

Megan Rika Young

Nic Wadle

David DePasquale

xephia

(Swipe for magnificent Jim)

Zuzana Čupová

cryptid o'clock

DOZERDRAWS

Jick

sonny jim


And Stede being so damn relatable:

.............................................

Amanda Bouchet's, Nightchaser:

Twenty-six years, and it hadn't been a bad life, even if a lot of it hadn't been fun. I'd wreaked more havoc on the galactic government than most rebels could manage in five lifetimes. With the help of my crew, I'd kept the Outer Zone colonies from true starvation for years. And everything else I ever had, I gave to the kids on Starway 8. I didn't regret a thing.
[...]
I was [Tess Bailey]. I wouldn't go out like a sigh in the Dark. I'd go out like a fucking bomb.


Before we begin, I'd like to alert you to the new descriptor Amanda Bouchet provided through this story for my complexion:


Space Rat Pale


It's perfect.
I used to go by sickly, Victorian orphan child, but... I think this suits the whole haven't seen the sun because I've been sardined in a spaceship reading my stories since birth thing I've got going on more accurately.
Not that you'd catch me aboard a spaceship. No fucking way. Not unless the world was ending and the only escape route was up.
This fraidy-cat, nightmare human doesn't even like the idea of being stranded on a ship in the middle of the ocean, let alone ambling through the galaxy where oxygen said so long and thanks for all the pollution, fuckers a few troposphere's ago.
I like air.
Air's good.
Vacuum-sealed tin cans with wings?
Not so much.
And not even all that much in fiction.
If you were to ask me what genre my heart beat its rhythm to, it would always, always be Fantasy, nothing else really gets a look in, and especially not Sci-fi.
No shade, it's an awesome genre, I just don't vibe with it.
I think it's all the plinky-plonky, gadget nonsense I have no patience for, and of course the existential dread of being abandoned out in the void.
I prefer my voids rooted firmly on the ground, thank you kindly.
But!
There are of course exceptions:

Battlestar Galactica
(Baltar, you space-twat, I love you so)
Star Wars
(the three OG movies, I'm not big on the new stuff, and Anakak Skywanker can emo himself into the abyss)
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
War of the Worlds
(The Tom Cruise version, don't judge)
Dark
The OA
Sunshine
(Probably my favourite sci-fi movie of all time)
12 Monkeys
Sense 8
Arcane

And of course, my most beloved, Firefly/Serenity.
After seeing multiple posts about it, imgur had convinced me to watch Firefly and now that I'm nearing the end of it, I'm saddened. Sucks when shows that are actually good get

Which Amanda Bouchet must also love (and consequently, Cowboy Bebop because Firefly stole everything it is from that show), because it's stamped with loving precision all over her first foray into science fiction with Nightchaser.

💫 Our leading lady, Tess, an amalgamation of Mal, Kaylee, and River
💫 Shade Ganavan, the hero, couldn't be more Mal, if he tried
💫 A group of rebels being chased through space by galactic overlords
💫 The creation of genetically altered humans through nefarious means
💫 Above-mentioned rebels stealing that information
💫 A genetically "different" chosen one being the means for the mutation

It's all there, with the humour, the tension, and the high jinx that made the show so fucking wonderful thrown in for good measure.
Everything I loved, bundled into an entirely new package.
Amanda Bouchet has a habit of doing this: writing something that acutely reminds me of an obsession of mine.
She did it with her first series, The Kingmaker Chronicles, which felt so much like Kate Daniels being chased around by Greek gods, I initially thought I was being tricked and House Andrews had started writing under a pseudonym.
They obviously hadn't, because Amanda Bouchet's writing has its own, distinct voice, and even though it felt like KD, it was very much Nightchaser.
This is the thing with Bouchet's stories, they may contain influence but they remain their own stories.
I may have I had a series of scenes from Firefly flashing throughout my head as I was reading Bouchet's space-romp, and they helped form the image of her band of rebels and their surroundings, but they didn't result in mere mimicry.
Tess' Endeavour, may bear a resemblance to Mal's, Serenity, have the same layout and rundown feel, but for me they are distinctly their own.
And I bloody love that.
That feels like magic, like a second chance with something I love and has probably concluded - in the case of KD and Firefly, this absolutely true.
Who wouldn't want another go around the 'verse with the characters they love, the world they were so happy in, the adventures they couldn't get enough of?
Who would ever turn that down?

...
To be fair, when it's god awful and may as well be mildly-altered plagiarism (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, I'm looking at you), then it's a snap to DNF that bullshit.
But when it's this good?
When it's so satisfying and comforting, and doesn't ask anything from you other than enjoyment?
When the leading lady is essentially a walking heartbeat who'd help her worst enemy if she thought they deserved it but will throw down at a moment's notice?


This wasn't a woman who kept her head down, playing it safe. Tess lifted her face and yelled to the star. How many people did that these days?


Who has a love for literature that's as fierce as mine, and fills her spacecraft with as many new stories she can find, and donates the rest to orphans and the galactic library to keep the act of sharing stories alive!
This woman, who'll enter a bookstore and leave with a free book (possibly life changing book) and a cat in tow, a cat she names Bonk - BONK! - because they're a noggin extraordinaire.
(If something happens to Bonk, I'm sorry Bouchet, but we're gonna have to break up)

Tess, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Felicia Day in my head and possesses all the loose canon cinnamon roll energy to boot:
#felicia day from kill for a thrill

Tess, who'll reduce the hero's heart/brain/brain jr. to mushy smithereens without doing anything other than being herself and not realising the effect she has on him.


When he looked at Tess Bailey, he saw what he wanted the galaxy to be like, not how it actually was.


On anyone.
This good and wonderful and sarcastic marshmallow who I'd storm the universe for if she needed a goddamn tissue.
That's Tess Bailey.
Captain of the Endeavour, genetic freak, soft-girl of my heart.
I love her.
If anyone hurts her in the next book, there will be strong, angry words.
...
Inside my head where only I can hear them, but they'll happen!
...
Someone's going to hurt my girl.
Shit-biscuits.
Best get my fighting stance on.
Firefly Serenity GIF - Firefly Serenity Mal - Discover & Share GIFs

This review's kind of gotten away from me, and I should really talk more about the interesting plot, and the rusty aesthetic, and the unique characters, blahdy, blah, blah.
I should do this.
But I'm not going to.
Because honestly, it's better just to read the damn thing.
I had such a good time with this book.
Getting to fall in love with new Bouchet-created characters, losing myself in a genre I'm not normally enamoured of (this is quite easy-going sci-fi, though), and generally just enjoying myself.
I made a promise that this year would be the year of literary hedonism, the year I read solely what I wanted and knew would bring me pleasure instead of endlessly searching for something new, or being taken in by trends, or pretty covers.
I vowed it because the end of last year was a narrative suck-fest.
And as my second Fantasy book of the year, Nightchaser puts me two for two in the happy hedonism column.
Let's see if we can make it three for three.
Firefly Serenity GIF - Firefly Serenity KayleeFry GIFs | Firefly serenity, Firefly music, River tam


Sidenote:

Bouchet, you can't introduce a huge, hairy, aloof Jason Bourne character, send him away for 90% of the book, and not expect me to pine and kinda hope we end up in a throuple sort of situation.
You just can't.
That's my goddamn type!


Big Spoiler Side-Sidenote:

I'm not sure how the death of Miko sits with me.
A woman of colour who cut off her own hand to escape unending sexual abuse being killed at the end of the story trying to escape yet another potential abuser felt, honestly, fucking awful and unnecessary.
That kind of character is the one you want to kick the universe in the ass.
To strive, to win, to survive.
Not to be shot down before she had a chance to recover, to live again.
And I don't know any other reason Bouchet would choose to do this, other than she fell prey to the literary idea that someone has to die.
They don't.
They only have to die if it makes sense for the story.
Miko's death didn't feel right, or just, or warranted.
It just fucking sucked.
And for an otherwise enjoyable read, this tainted the ending for me.
After 400+ pages of enjoyment, this felt like a sucker punch we really didn't deserve.
All I can hope is that there's some redemption for Miko and for the story in the next chapter.
CBS GIF

.............................................

Marzia Kjellberg aka. Maì:

Crunchy. Little. Weirdos.
I want to adopt them all.
I Love All My Children Equally GIF - Lucille Bluth Jessica Walter I Love All My Children Equally - Discover & Share GIFs

.............................................

Find Your Place in Kate Daniel's Atlanta:

Knew it.
I'm too protective of my food to be anything other than an animal.
The question is, which shapeshifter pack do I belong to?
If there are any sloth's in the vicinity, then I think that just might be my place.
sloth gifs Page 38 | WiffleGif

.............................................

Hacks:

Jean Smart's laugh.
That's all you need to know.
Can You Hacks It?

This is going on the comfort, repeat watchlist.

.............................................

Emi Guijarro's cat portraits:

So majestic.
So weird.
So very... cat.

And whatever wonderful nonsense is happening here:

.............................................

Jls Tattoo:

Those crisp highlights...
I'm salivating.

.............................................

Rewatching Bridgerton:

I am desperate for Penelope and Colin's story.
And I could just read the novel and put myself out of my misery.
But... where's the masochism in that?
Okay Penelope GIF - Okay Penelope Bridgerton GIFs


Fanart, to tide us over:
Luz Tapia

Conner Peirson

Isabella Agosti

ez

Hannah MacDonald

Tasia M S

Costa Daniel K.

Tania

.............................................

NOMA:

Adam Parrish.
Ever since seeing this, all I've been able to think of is Adam Parrish.
My beloved, soft boy, Coca-Cola-shirt-wearing, Ronan-loving wizard.

Precious boy.

.............................................

Willow:

...
IT'S WILLOW!
IF YOU ASK ME WHAT'S IN MY FANTASY-LACED BLOOD, IT'S LEGEND, LABYRINTH, AND WILLOW!
THE TRIFECTA: DEMONS, GOBLINS, AND CRONES, OH MY!
...
I was always going to have zero chill when it came to this show, "doomed" from the start, I was.
80s fantasy is practically a part of my DNA.
And this show was made for me.
I didn't expect it to be so damn good, though.
Many will disagree on this, the purists for a start, but... add zero fucks to my zero chill because IIIIII dooooooon't caaaarrreeee!
This was awesome!

All I ever want from 80s fantasy (and homages to the era) is to have a rollicking, hokey-as-fuck, clichéd up the eyeballs good time.
I am the himbo of the genre, the Madmartigan, if you will.
Willow Mardigan GIF - Willow Mardigan Fail GIFs

Easily excitable, desperate for adventure, and happily dumb as fuck. 
Just like this show.
It gave us a quest:
Gazing Upon The Sky Willow GIF - Gazing Upon The Sky Willow A Storm Is Coming GIFs

A band of unlikely heroes:

A new himbo to fall in love with:

A precious cinnamon roll to root for:

A grumpy knight for me to pledge my allegiance to:
#willow from bad code

Monsters:
(His name is Kenneth and I would die for him)

Elora all grown up:

TRAINING SEQUENCES:

Top tier fantasy aesthetics:

Queer rep:
#willow from Olive's TV, movie & actor gifs & edits

An epic showdown:

And my favourite, an anachronistic soundtrack:

...
I am a himbo-pig in shit heaven.
If this doesn't get a season two, I will be so mad... martigan.
*flees the Monthlies before punishments for bad jokes can be doled out*

'Til then, suckers.


Ps. I found ONE fanart.
Adam Murphy

...
A CRIME HAS BEEN COMMITTED.

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