july

July 31, 2024

Things I enjoyed in the month of July:

 T. Kingfisher's, Nettle and Bone:

Three tasks the dust-wife had given her. Sew a clock of oilcloth and nettles, build a dog of cursed bones, and catch moonlight in a jar of clay.
[...]
Three tasks, and then the dust-wife would give her the tools to kill a prince.


Let me set you a scene:

A nettle-shrouded woman hunches urgently under a dark sky in a cannibal roamed land, hurriedly knitting together the bones of a dog with wire, drops of snicked blood, and desperate hope.
When she finishes, the ghost dog wakes with an etheric lick to her face and a huffed, rattling bark of affection.
They walk out of the cannibal lands side by side, foot by paw, and so the story begins.

...
That, my good goblins, is what we call fantastical catnip.
And its flavour of choice? Fucked Up Fairy Tale.
A flavour I have little to no power to resist, and quite honestly, didn't even attempt to; not from the moment I read the blurb and the words "demon-possessed chicken" winked knowingly back at me, not when the heroine stepped foot into the Goblin Market and bargained dentine for destiny, and especially not when the above-mentioned Bonedog floppily announced himself as the goodest boy to ever "live".
No... resistance would have indeed been futile when this story feels as if it was written solely for me, no one else, just this particular goblin child with a thirst for fairy deals and the wicked crunch of piled bones under Redcap feet.
Perhaps because I've watched Labyrinth a minimum of three times a year since the day I plopped into the world, or that I discovered Angela Carter when I was a teenager and the seductive side of retold fairy tales was revealed to me, or that simply there's something in my biology that puzzles itself perfectly against this genre of blood and glitter, whatever the reason, Fairy Tales just speak to me.
Draw me in.
The more fucked up the better.
They always say don't eat the fruit of goblin men, but I say serve me a trough-sized fruit salad and let the short, gnarled-apple-faced ones nibble on my fingers as I feast.

The Goblin Market? That's my summer home, and every chance I get, I take that winding, barbed journey towards it, consequences be damned.
What's that line from A Midsummer Night's Dream?

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

Robin Goodfellow, as more often than not, hitting the nail puckishly on the head, because I am such a fool, a willing one at that, for fairies and their lush perversions.
And T. Kingfisher fed that foolish need with Nettle and Bone, she offered up a taste of what fairy tales originally looked like before they were sanitised for easier digestion, when they were barbarous and tricksy and downright awful, when bargains came in threes and rarely a happy ever after.
With Nettle and Bone she provided everything you could ever possibly desire in a Fairy Tale:

🍄 Adventure
🕷️ Romance
🍄 Tasks of three
🕷️ Fairy godmothers
🍄 Wicked godmothers
🕷️ Demon-possessed chickens
🍄 Villainous monarchy
🕷️ The baby chicken equivalent of MapQuest
🍄 The Goblin Market
🕷️ Ghosts boys and misplaced knights
🍄 Unexpected dentistry
🕷️ A grumpy necromancer
🍄 Loyal pet friends to fall in love with

T. Kingfisher's tale of sibling love and the lengths you'll go to keep that bond of blood safe is a feast of a fairy tale, brimming with heart, conviction and an abundance of fuck around and find out-ness that flouts the genre's rules of tradition but follows them tangentially, whilst taking the long way round.
It's almost my favourite part of Nettle and Bone, that it isn't a retelling of one of the classics with your well-known character types at the helm, but is instead the story of Marra, a third-born princess who would rather be sequestered inside the nunnery she calls home, reading or sewing or daydreaming in lieu of searching out cranky dust-wives who trade her impossible tasks for their service in rescuing her sister from the tyrant king she's married to.
She isn't built for this kind of heroism, it isn't in her nature, and that's because Marra is very much a side-character; one you might love, might root for, but one who usually stays in the periphery of the story and wouldn't normally play a large role in directing the narrative towards its conclusion.
She's a little grumpy, a little naive, not naturally strong or above average intelligence, and she's been sheltered and babied from life's realities since her first breath.
She isn't particularly special.

...
And isn't that just the most relatable thing?
To not be one of humanities gifted golden ones and instead be perfectly, wonderfully average but so very full of heart, which Marra is, and it's the sole driving force behind the story.


Marra was not the girl that she had been. She was thirty years old, and all that was left of that girl now were the bones.


The lengths this seemingly average woman - and I mean woman, she's thirty and the epitome of a sleepy millennial; I love her - will go to save her remaining family from the clutches of a sadistic princeling, the deeds she will perform, the parts of her she'll sacrifice to reach her goal may not be done with finesse or so limned in gold they ought to be captured on canvas, immortalised in balladry, repeatedly whispered around campfires until they gather into folk tales, but they are heroic.
They are worth putting pen to paper for because they're done by someone who, by all accounts, had no business doing them but did them anyway because that's what you do for the people you love.
Not just heroes.
People.
Average, "boring", safe people.
Nettle and Bone is not a book for the quintessential heroes of the world, but instead for the quiet folk, the neurodivergents, the people in the back who dared to try even when they knew they would most likely fail.


...the history of the world was written in women's wombs and women's blood and she would never be allowed to change it.
Rage shivered through her, a rage that seemed like it could topple the halls of heaven, then vanished under the knowledge of her own helplessness. Rage was only useful if you were allowed to do anything with it.


That's Marra, entirely, and she might be the bravest of them all, navigating her sister's rescue with gut instinct - and many a side-quest, faith in others and accepting their proffered help, all while in constant need of a nap.
Relatable, thy name is her.
Even her narrative voice is relatable, with its baffled but determinedly resigned nature full of wry humour and sleepy, sighing perseverance; it shucks off the quippy, headstrong, badass hero-type for a more completely out of their depths and doing it anyway vibe, and as one who is also usually out of their depths and doing it mostly anyway, this wholly appealed to me.
There are so many stories that are dedicated to characters who are built for the narrative they're written into - for obvious reasons, and not many where every move, every path taken, every deal struck by the protagonist(s) is luck of the draw, a coin flipped, a card dealt with no idea of the results, and there's something very refreshing about it, particularly in a Fairy Tale setting where we all kind of inherently know the structure of them.
They all begin with Once Upon a Time..., or A Long Time Ago..., whereafter a princess is usually being oppressed in some way (locked in a tower, pricked into an eternal sleep, chased from their home) by an evil [insert title of choice], and a handsome prince will come along and rescue said TSTL-helpless princess from their plight.
Much heroism ensues.
Cue the happy ever after.
It's classic, but if you've ever wondered what the maid who tends to the princess is doing in the background, or what the frog prince was up to all that time before he was kissed, or whether the Fairy Godmother takes a bubble bath immediately after she's done playing Princess Queer Eye, then Nettle and Bone might just appeal to you.
It did to me, a friend of mine even recommended it (hi, Scott!) because I am also a sleepy third born daughter who has absolutely no clue how to life and just wants to read books all day.
It was no surprise I found relatability and comfort in this story, but I wasn't expecting to be taken in by how messy it all was - not the story itself, T. Kingfisher is a fantastic writer who managed to write a wholly new Fairy Tale with a contemporary voice whilst maintaining the traditions and particular feel of a classic FT, but its the way she went about it that makes it compelling.
As I mentioned before, these stories are often propelled into motion by three tasks set by some dastardly pixie who wants to suck the marrow from your bones because they're feeling snacky, and these three tasks are normally not deviated from.
You perform the first, the second if you retain your limbs, the third if you're still breathing; no narrative meandering.
But, like with everything else in the story, Kingfisher shrugged at tradition and veered Marra and her compatriots wildly off the beat and path, straight into the woods, down a rabbit hole, right into Kelpie Lake for a good drowning.


I'm surrounded by lunatics, and I love them all, but maybe we should be running away.


And I loved it.
It's a book entirely, beautifully, chaotically built on Side Quests where you never know what's coming next but it all makes perfect sense, because of course you have to visit the Goblin Market before you can talk to the drowned ghost boy downstream by way of the strangled woman with a puppet god's hands around her neck.
Of course, of course, of course.
And it all felt so perfectly right, in only the way a Fairy Tale can: absolutely unhinged but oh so pretty.
I do have a slight quibble, however.
A tiny one.
Nothing major.
But because of the way the book started - in the depths of cannibal night with a soundtrack of vertebrate barks and Ouch! Fuck! Wire is sharp! - I did feel as if the the book should have been a tad darker in tone.
If if hadn't begun this way, I don't think I would've ever felt this, but it promised something it didn't deliver, because the tone of the story lightens considerably as soon as Marra leaves the Blistered Land, the moment she and Bonedog cross the boundary into human lands and rock up on the dust-wife's door, the darkness recedes into something more akin to gloaming than Stygian, lightening more and more with each new character introduced.
And personally? I missed its inky hue.
But only slightly, because if this review doesn't suggest it, I so enjoyed this book, it made me happy and excited and squished my heart around until it was a gooey mess from start to end, and even with it's lighter-than-expected-tone, there's nothing more I could've asked for, really.


"Go," she whispered in Marra's ear. "Run and be free. They cannot use what they cannot find."


Well, perhaps a little more Bonedog and Finder, aka. Goodest Boy and MapQuest chick.
Gods love authors who creatures I can add to my list of I'D DIE FOR THEM, I DON'T CARE IF THEY'RE NOT REAL, FUCK YOU, YOU'RE CRYING, I'M NOT CRYING fictional animals.
Gods love 'em.
I think I just found a new favourite author.

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Kaylee Rowena and Griddlehark:

The sheer volume of Gideon and Harrow fanart I have stored up is pretty insane.
...
And in complete disarray.
Un-foldered chaos on Insta.
Scurrying free around Twitter, lost to the endless scroll.
Doing much the same on Tumblr but way more chill.
It's a mess, and it makes me twitch just thinking about it, so one day I'll corral it all together (probably not, though) but until those executive disorder defying spoons show up, I'll just sporadically drop pieces of glorious fanart to showcase artists' talent and my undying fucking love for these sapphic space nuns.
Also, font.
Look how nice.
Peep Show | GIFGlobe | NICE FONT. JUST A GREAT, ALL-ROUND PACKAGE.

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Delicious in Dungeon:
CDN media

How Wiki describes Delicious in Dungeon:

After a failed dungeon raid that resulted in his younger sister being eat by a dragon, Laios and the remaining members of his party, Marcille and Chilchuck, set you to rescue her from being digested by the dragon. Having lost most of their supplies in the raid, the group are unable to afford rations, so they make the unusual decision to source all their food from inside the dungeon... including eating monsters!
Fortunately, an odd dwarf named Senshi is willing to help them by showing them how to cook the various monsters in the dungeon.

...
And how I describe Delicious in Dungeon:

This is what happens when you let a bunch of emotionally fragile, hangry, found family idiots loose in a multi-levelled dungeon inhabited by many and varied monsters that basically have EAT ME! stamped on their asses.

...
And it's fucking amazing.
#dungeon meshi from free palestine

I'm hugely fussy about anime, which is why I don't watch a lot of it, much to my chagrin.
If there's too much chibi, I get annoyed; if the chibi isn't the right kind of chibi, I get vexed; if the voice actors' tone bug me, it's physically painful; if the women are TSTL hotties, I'm bailing and not apologising for it; if the men are chauvinistic pricks with god complexes, the off button's getting pressed before the misogyny poisoning sets in.
Music's a big part of it, also, and the storytelling has to not only be good, but feel right.
If I get the hink, I'm royal waving my way out the door.
I have a lot of rules.
For other forms of animation as well.
Doesn't matter how well loved it is (Steven Universe), if we don't click, I ain't watching (I will try SU again at some point, but... eh, I'm in no rush).
So, when I watched the trailer for Dungeon Meshi, lovingly known as Yummy Dungeon to me and my sisters, I was caught between nerves and unhinged excitement.
Which way was it going to? Would it tick all my boxes? Or would I be left frustrated yet again?
...
Goblin readers, it ticked all the boxes and then exceeded them, by like, a lot.
Funny, weird, unexpected, completely unhinged, wholesome, healing, exciting, gorgeous, compelling, heart-nourishing, hunger-inducing, it's all the things!
And it's whole structure is based on: let's deal with emotional trauma and eat some motherfucking monsters!
#dungeon meshi from free palestine

I have no words.
It's the greatest thing.
And I've never wanted to eat creature before but these idiots made me hungry for monster mash, and I'm okay with it.
Not merman, though.
Never merman... 

The idiots in question:
#gif from life's short
Laios

Genus: Human Labrador aka. Tall-Man Himbo but smart?
Occupation: Paladin, dungeon explorer, monster gastronome
Defining Character Trait: Sweet boy, hungry boy, devouring absolute nightmare boy
Attitude to the dungeon: I licked it, now it's mine (to eat)

CDN media
Senshi

Genus: Brunch Daddy Dwarf aka. the feeder
Occupation: Dungeon party chef, living bestiary cookbook, 
Defining Character Trait: Papa, sage zaddy, panty-shot proficient
Attitude to the dungeon: "Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!"


Marcille

Genus: High-strung Half-elf aka. stressed out babygirl with dinner qualms
Occupation: Mage, babysitter, hangry morality dodger
Defining Character Trait: Agent of accidental chaos, poor little miaow miaow, in need of a nap
Attitude to the dungeon: Stressed mastication

Chilchuck Tims Dungeon Meshi Chilchuck GIF
Chilchuk

Genus: Half-foot grump aka. dad on vacation needs the kids to stfu
Occupation: Locksmith, eternal sigher, Mimic fearing sweaterboy
Defining Character Trait: Black cat energy, passive monster muncher, shade-giver supreme
Attitude to the dungeon: Meh, pass the carnivorous plant pie

#dungeon meshi from oshi!! oshi!! oshi!!
Izutsumi

Genus: Cursed cat-girl aka. if my asshole cat was beastkin
Occupation: Pain in the ass, dungeon party crasher, hiss-y fit aficionado
Defining Character Trait: Typical bratty baby cat, pointy-eared shithead, literal miaow miaow
Attitude to the dungeon: Anything but the monstrous vegetation

...
I love them all so much I could puke.
And season two?
CONFIRMED!
#dungeon meshi from free palestine


Fanart:
sointuina

Patti aka. soranker

Luka aka. nousantii

Quo aka. quoiseternal

Robin Kaplan

Ena Miranda Sexton aka. enabuns

clickuu

Pablo García

Christie Lee

Morgan Taylor Bell

Camila Estela G.

Birke Trautvetter

Lucía Sánchez

peachy.apricot

Roma Gewska

April aka. smalltrashfire

Kay Tee

Tato Lu

Vicky Chen

joylychi

Bailie Rosenlund

Rii Abrego

Mai Pham

Jessica aka. RoseySkyPeach

Kailee Rosen

Ibon aka. birdfrogdrawns

Cillian aka. yamcrumbs

Caleb aka. time_woods

Sophia Bakken

Emerson Goheen

Constance Bouckaert

ratto bastard

Jasmyn Arnold

Charli aka. charlililart

Jesús Gormaz

Heather Mahler

Bri Neumann

Xin Yingzong

Roro aka. rorokonaa

Crusty betch

Jennie Lindberg

Katia Meraki

Starglow

Rose aka. metaphoricallyrose

https://www.tumblr.com/capydoodle/744957295167979521/dungeon-capy-oh-dungeon-capy
capydoodle

https://www.tumblr.com/poorly-drawn-mdzs/748747515151761408/expertise-cant-help-you-here
Poorly Drawn MDZS

https://www.tumblr.com/wateryday/709809319994114048/dungeon-meshi-spoilers-for-chapter-91-2202023
https://www.tumblr.com/wateryday/709468147568279552/dungeon-meshi-spoilers-for-chapter-91-2162023
Ian Simmons

https://www.tumblr.com/mispelled/755011960115003392/has-anyone-done-this-yet
misp

https://www.tumblr.com/7cfc00/753827211090575360/the-horror-and-the-wild
7cfc00

https://www.tumblr.com/triptrippy/741995685780520960
Trip

genicecream

R E M

ramu_nerobe

Zyke

tt

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Made by Edgar and a vintage LeRoy Lettering Device:

...
Drool Drooling GIF

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The Bear season three mini episode reviews:

Episode One: has its own frequency, like a tv left on standby, the hum from the refrigerator at midnight, moth-bothered porch lights in summer.

Low, expectant, unanswerable.

Like grief, I suppose.


Episode Two: am I immune to their fighting now? Because that shit was funny instead of goddamn traumatising.


Episode Three: oh wait, there’s the trauma, hi again.

Carmy’s different fight styles with everyone are so effortlessly and sympathetically done: Nat (sibling, childish but aggressive), Sydney (through gritted teeth, aware of losing her so can’t go too far but can’t concede the point), Ritchie (war).


Episode Four: “I don’t think it hurt yet.” - how can six words shred you alive?


Episode Five: John Cena as a Fak … *chef’s kiss*

“If you fuck with Marcus, I will murder you.” - Nat. The depths that I love this woman.


Episode Six: Tina. That’s all. Just Tina.

(Truly an ensemble show, no character left behind)


Episode Seven: I love the quiet episodes.


Episode Eight: 🎵 Baby, I love you. Come on, baby. Baby, I love you.


Episode Nine: "Magic, at its best, has to be spontaneous."


Episode Ten: A stranger saying to Carmy, “it’s all about nurturing” is the most painful fucking thing. 

I haven't seen the I'm sorry ASL all season and that burns; how did we get here?

“Every second counts”

Depression is fucking poison, it infects everything it touches, and there isn't even anyone to blame.

Says so much about whether being gifted at something is enough of a reason to do it when it causes you immense amounts of damage instead of joy.

For Carmy? Absolutely not.

For Sydney? Carmy's the damage.


...

This show.

This beautiful, wonderful, agonising show.

The number of reviewers I've seen complaining about this season's quality going down, the narrative being trapped within itself, and it lacking the chaos it was born from.

All of which I entirely disagree with.

To me, this is a vital season for the story and character's development, to see what they can cope with, what will spur them on, how they got here, where they'll potentially go.

Unearthing old hurts, bottling new ones.

Revelations and refusals.

Im Sorry I Love You GIF by The Bear


We've had the noise, the anarchy, and now we're underwater: pressured, muted, isolated.

The Bear's always been subtle, it's just never been quiet, but it's deafening when it is.

And it's going to kill me to wait a year (maybe more) to see what volume we're set at next season.



Fanart:
Liz Parkes


Scott C.



Side note: I just fucking love the music on this beautiful fucking show.


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Catana Comics and the artist's struggle:

FINALLY SOMEONE ACKNOWLEDGED IT!
This, this right here; I cannot express to you the depths of WTF-ness there resides in realising you can draw, completed four years of art school, got your degree, but if someone asks you to draw without a reference?
Instant mutant growth of lizard hands and forgetting how to art.
How to person.
So, no, I cannot draw you a cat licking its butthole without you showing me a picture first BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT A CAT IS IF I CAN'T SEE IT.
Here's the kicker though, and this one really stings:
I can see it in my stupid stupid nincompoop head.
Absolutely nooooo problem visualising it, it'll even be in motion, like a gif, but the moment pen/pencil/burnt wood stick (charcoal, I'm talking about charcoal) has to touch paper?
Beaker GIFs | GIFDB.com
Math Lady Meme Confused Thinking Wait A Minute GIF | GIFDB.com
Stressed Out GIFs | GIFDB.com

Ask me to explain this and I very much cannot, it's the weirdest fucking phenomenon 
I only have a little advice, a recommendation going forward:

No two artists practice the same way.
Remember that the next time you ask one to doodle you something cute, because they will instantly invert their bodies into a black hole and then you'll be sorry while you're being yeeted into the darkest timeline without a parachute.
Youve Been Warned GIFs - Find & Share on GIPHY

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In Search of Big Feelings by Molly Templeton for Reactor:

Historically, I was a pretty easy to please person when it came to consuming the arts (tv, movies, books, music, et al.), perhaps because of my openness to various genres and styles (finishing high school was a revelation in don't be a sheep, if you like it you like it, fuck what anyone else thinks), there's always been something I could and most certainly would take enjoyment from.
Which has been a great source of comfort within my life, this seemingly never-ending source of art and stories and sounds to garner joy from.
A joy I crave but also need as the antidote to the brain-rot that gnaws away at my grey matter when it's not being entertained twenty-four seven.
Necrotising fasciitis of the noggin is not something I, or anyone in my vicinity, wants to experience. Trust me, it'd give stressed out goblin with a side of existential despair.
Not pretty. Not fun. And someone would inevitably slap the stupid out of me at some point.
But.
Over the last few years the brain rot has become increasingly likely to occur because I'm struggling, really struggling to find that joy, that thing that makes my heart, brain, and nerve endings freak the fuck out simultaneously in the most gratifying way.
And, of course I'm still enjoying things, the arts are abundant and even easier to access these days, so I'm not exactly starving for the arts, but more often than not, I'm not thrilled by anything.
Not like the way I was when I watched Buffy for the first time, or heard my Dad playing Trouble by Ray LaMontage and I had to follow that voice to wherever it was playing in the house, or when my brain finally let me absorb Gormenghast on the third try and a whole gothic universe was opened up to me.
That thrill of finding something that connects on a biological, and dare I say it, spiritual level, and within the first few seconds of experiencing it you can't imagine how you were even a person before.
That's what I'm missing most of the time, and fuck, as someone who orbits their life around these things, who takes joy from them but also uses them to survive, it's agonising to feel barred from them.
It's almost like having your power source turned off and you're living in stasis, just waiting to be turned back on again.
And like I said, I'm not lacking in brain-food, there's plenty to eat and i'm always filling my brain-belly, but like Molly Templeton said, I would just like something that makes me sob, but in a good way!
I do, I really do.
And here's a few things that have over the past couple years of drought:

Book:
The Watchmaker of Filigree Street
by Natasha Pulley


Tv:
Interview with the Vampire


Movie:
The Green Knight


Music:
Ethel Cain


Graphic Novel:
Lore Olympus
by Rachel Smythe


Cartoon:
Bee and PuppyCat

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Wies van der Velde's giant pencil lamp:

I need it.
I need it.
I. NEED. IT.
Yorimoi Sora Yori GIF

The ferrule is perfect, and who knew that's something I'd be saying, ever?

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July Jams:
Raleigh Ritchie // Security

If Love Is Dumb is for Lestat, then this is for sadboi of my heart, Louis de Pont du Lac.


Loveless // Heart-Shaped Soul

Frances Forever feat. Miya Folick // Mr. Man

The fact that I call my cat "Mr. Man" makes this song hit different.


Childish Gambino // Lithonia and In The Night (feat. Jorja Smith & Amaarae

The last ever album from Childish Gambino.


Abby Holliday // at some point you'll have to be angry at all of this and Steve Martin

Did I post this last month?
Who even cares, this is a fucking masterpiece and the whole album just dropped, so I'll be sobbing and vibing from here on out.


Griff // Tears For Fun and Astronaut

Another album drop and I'm just...


Paris Paloma // The Warmth

I don't know how she keeps doing this, but it's so...


ROLE MODEL feat. Lizzy McAlpine // So Far Gone

Tate McRae // you broke me first

Madge // think big - sped up

Braden Bales // HEAVEN AGAIN

The Beaches // Takes One To Know One

The tone and depths of Jordan Miller's voice...


Mk.gee // Are You Looking Up

Fuckkkk, this is crunchy.
Totally rewires my brain, like it's from a totally different era of music but very necessarily, absolutely must be from right now.
...
I'm tired, but you get it, right?
Do you understand what you are reading?" - A Reading Lesson from the book of Acts | Reading lessons, How are you feeling, New teachers

Bonus cover by Isaiah Lara with a more melodic tone but still hits:

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Book bites:

Gladstone's Residential Library.
...
This is the dream.
i'm the violence in the pouring rain — every starry eyed Steven Universe | 21/?



Benny Higgins just stating facts.
And people responding accordingly.



Ova Ceren's garden shed library is also the dream.
I want to be a garden book gnome.
That is my ideal existence and I'm already short enough, so...
Qualified Do You Think Im Qualified GIF



Ashley Ottesen, wtf, don't call me out like that.
This community's opinion about gem genes | Flight Rising Discussion | Flight Rising

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Movies to edit to:
Pride & Prejudice

Penelope

CDN media
Adventureland

Submarine

Do Revenge

My brain isn't a multi-tasking entity, hyper-focus tunnel vision is its only mode of concentration, but it does require background noise, and these movies are just the right tempo.
Some beloved, some unseen for years and still hold up, some new to the fold, and all classics in their own right.
But none more so than good old Pride & Prejudice.

I swear, I could quote you the entire movie word for word, draw it scene for scene, cue the music before it starts playing, all without opening my eyes.
And to me, this is peak movie love, and why I'll rewatch 'til I die.
A theme that ran rampant through my month of July, and has been one of the best choices I've made for my noggin.
I hadn't realised how much watching/listening/reading new things and being let down or just not excited by them was bumming me the hell out, and how going back to old faves would kick my crotchety ass into remembering why I love what I love and going back to them doesn't mean admitting defeat.
Constantly consuming new things is apparently not the key to fulfilment.
Who knew?
Not Me GIFs | GIFDB.com

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Theo Jansen's Strandbeests:

Tell me these don't look they belong in some fantastical world where creatures are powered by elemental magic and peacefully roam the sandy edges of merfolk-filled oceans, snuffling for crustaceans and baying like woodwind instruments.
Tell me that's not where they belong.
Gentle, wind-stirred Strandbeests.
Tumblr: Image

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Travis Baldree's, Goblins & Greatcoats:

Meet Zyll, the tiniest, toothiest, redhead-iest goblin you're ever likely to meet.
(Illustration by Alicia Ramos Castillo aka. Pinapali, she also did the cover illustration for Goblins & Greatcoats)

Her attire of choice? One coat of many pockets with a full dining set secreted within, some of which she'll waggle around as your cue to feed her something involving blackbirds.
She traverses the world atop her loyal pony-steed by the name of Round Boy (stop it!), and her serrated grin is the sweetest threat you'll offer your neck for - not that she'd bite you, not my girl, not unless you thieved one of her spoons.
Not to mention her savant-like ability to solve murders she just happens to stumble upon in search of dinner and a nap.
...
And I would officially die for her.
A thousand bloody D&D deaths.
She is my queen, now.
Watch as I genuflect.
And if she doesn't end up sitting happily engulfed in one of Legend & Lattes' comfy chairs, devouring an endless supply of Thimble's cinnamon rolls, and being doted on by Viv and Tandri like the tiny queen she is, I don't know how I'll ever forgive Travis Baldree.
Even with his particular gift for creating worlds (in this case in such a brief amount of time) infused with warmth and whimsy that envelope you wholly, warmly, and with such welcome, leaving you with an gnawing ache for more, more, more.
Even then, if there's no Zyll, there's no me.
...
That's a lie, I'll read Baldree's cozy fantasies for as long as he sends them out into the booksphere, but I won't be happy!
...
Also a lie, I'm always happy when his work's involved, but just gimme Zyll, alright?
She's too cute, and I'm not okay.
televison gifs — DOCTOR WHO (2005–)


You can download this freebie from Subterranean Press.
And you absolutely should if you enjoy smiling a lot.

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Nusrat Naomi's Emily Henry fanart:

I've only read two (soon to be remedied) out of Henry's five releases (Beach Read and People We Meet On Vacation), but they're two that I hold aloft as some of the best romance out there.
Funny, relatable, weird and witty, and with a hard enough emotional punch to the heart that you'll thank her instead of hate her.
And these illustrations reflect them perfectly.
Especially tiny Poppy in her green gingham matching beach set.
Carlos Miranda Love GIF by Vida

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In search of High Fantasy (streaming edition) and coming up... eh:
Cursed

Quality: ★★★
Enjoyment: ★★★
Campiness: ★★
Magic: ★★★
HF Scale: ★★★
Actual Genre: Mediaeval Myth


Willow

Quality: ★★★★★
Enjoyment: ★★★★★
Campiness: ★★★★★
Magic: ★★★★★
HF Scale: ★★★★★


King Arthur

Quality: ★★★☆
Enjoyment: ★★★★
Campiness: ★★★
Magic: NA
HF Scale: ★★★☆
Actual Genre: Mediaeval Myth


Gormenghast

Quality: ★★★★★
Enjoyment: ★★★★★
Campiness: ★★★★
Magic: NA
HF Scale: ★★★★
Actual Genre: Gothic Nobility Fantasy


The Borrowers

Quality: ★★★★☆
Enjoyment: ★★★★★
Campiness: ★★
Magic: NA
HF Scale: ★★☆
Actual Genre: Cozy Fantasy


The 10th Kingdom

Quality: ★★★☆
Enjoyment: ★★★★★
Campiness: ★★★★★
Magic: ★★★★★
HF Scale: ★★★☆
Actual Genre: Fairy Parallel Universe Tale


Legend

Quality: ★★★★★
Enjoyment: ★★★★★
Campiness: ★★★★★
Magic: ★★★★★
HF Scale: ★★★★★


Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Quality: ★★★★
Enjoyment: ★★★★★
Campiness: ★★★★★
Magic: ★
HF Scale: ★★★
Actual Genre: Mediaeval Myth


The Slipper and the Rose

Quality: ★★★★★
Enjoyment: ★★★★★
Campiness: ★★★★★
Magic: ★★★
HF Scale: ★★★
Actual Genre: Fairy Tale Musical


A Midsummer Night's Dream

Quality: ★★★★★
Enjoyment: ★★★★★
Campiness: ★★★★★
Magic: ★★★★★
HF Scale: ★★★☆
Actual Genre: Shakespearean Sidhe Theatre


The Green Knight

Quality: ★★★★★
Enjoyment: ★★★★★
Campiness: ★★
Magic: ★★★★☆
HF Scale: ★★★★★
Actual Genre: Mediaeval Myth 


This is honestly the best I could do with what I had, and while some of these are classics that I'll love to my dying day (Legend, Gormenghast, The Borrowers, Willow, The 10th Kingdom, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, The Slipper and the Rose, A Midsummer Night's Dream), this roundup is but a meagre offering from the streaming gods of what the genre has to offer, with most of the truly good stuff, the love letters to High Fantasy, coming from the 80s - the best era of Fantasy, imo.
My reasoning? It embraced the silly whilst still telling fucking great stories.
Nowadays the Fantasy told on screen takes itself waaaaay to seriously, leaning more into Grimdark and Low Fantasy than High.
You can see it most aggressively in shows like Game of Thrones and Rings of Power (I'd say Tolkien was rolling over in his grave but he's got better shit to do across the pond in Valinor), where it's just misery upon misery with stern brows and absolutely no laughing.
High Fantasy can absolutely be miserable as shit but the genre itself is inherently funny; you can't ride around on dragons and wear silly wigs whilst taking yourself this seriously, there has to be some form of levity, something to make you smile.
The people making movies and tv shows in the 80s knew this.
They knew Tom Cruise romping around a beglittered forest with fairies would be laughable but ultimately charming as fuck.
#tom cruise from movingmachine

They knew handing Christophe Lambert a sword and making him an immortal Scotsman in a trench coat would delight the nerdy masses.

They knew the words As you wish would alter the brain chemistry of an entire generation.
As You Wish Wish GIF

They knew what Fantasy meant and what Fantasy-lovers get so much enjoyment from.
But these days?
Not so much.
And trying to find things to watch while I was in a High Fantasy mood was kinda miserable.
Surely there should be more than this?
Surely we can revive the days of Gelflings, and time-travelling dwarves, and women shape-shifting into birds of prey.
Surely we can.
Or are we just not funny anymore?
Are we not willing to take risks anymore?
Has GoT fucked the tone of Fantasy for the foreseeable future?
Streaming's offerings would suggest so.
Gif Collection

What I would give for a High Fantasy romp.
Or maybe a Historical Fantasy romp?
See below
⬇⬇⬇

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ahad aka. wiresandtrees:

Listening to trentemøller & DíSA whilst looking at ahad's work is the perfect serenely surreal combination:

The Blades of Dusk and Dawn belongs on my walls.

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My Lady Jane:

I don't know what's in the air at the moment, but it's historical-fantasy-romp-scented and my snoot is snuffling like there's freshly baked bread newly released from it's oven-y prison.
From Renegade Nell, to Dick Turpin, to The Great and The Artful Dodger (which aren't' supernatural but are the definition of Romp with a capital R), and now to My Lady Jane, I do believe we've entered tv's Romp-era, and isn't that the finest fucking thing.
After failing to find anything to sate my High Fantasy needs, the tv gods saw fit to deliver me historical nonsense in the shape of bicker-flirting, shapeshifting, historical inaccuracies, anachronism bingo, protagonists (and side-characters) to fall wholly in love with, and such nom-able chemistry I was practically chewing on the screen.
The tv gods were kind, and I'm absolutely going to need a season two.
For the following reasons:

👑 Emily Bader and her disturbingly convincing English accent - it's killer, she nailed it, I had no idea she was American. Also, she's adorable, has brilliant comedic timing, and I love her face/hair/scowl.
Ring the alarm, the goblin has a new crush.
#my lady jane from sidelines

🐴 Historical anachronisms breathe sweet, sweet air into my lungs - be it the modern music thumping over the historical setting, or the use of contemporary slang instead of ye olde English (which if you made an entire show spoken in the old tongue it would be unbearable), or the repeated references to the kind of pop culture my entire personality is built on, I love it all. Crave it like my next meal. Please put a feeding sack around my neck and let me gorge until I'm sick of it. Which will be never.
#my lady jane from you don't face your fears. you ride 'em
#my lady jane from that's that me espresso!

👑 The fun factor - do you know how tired I am of miserable fantasy? So fucking tired. I want to laugh and snicker and cackle, not brood my way to a predictably unhappy ending. Give me farce or give me death! And My Lady Jane is abundant with it: beautiful caricature characterisation, bombastic costume/stage design, dad jokes and puns aplenty, heroes and villains and idiots, fantasy snacks delivered by the hour on the hour, and enough knowing winks thrown around you'd think the entire cast had a bad case of Myokymia.
In other words: my dream come true.
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🐴 My blorbo Edward Bluemel finally getting a leading love interest role - and kicking its ass with his impeccable flirt-game, hot as fuck swagger, and cinnamon roll vibes. He's the whole package, everything you could possibly hope for in a leading man, and if we don't get more of him as Guildford then it would be a genuine crime against the vast history of beloved historical male protagonists, of which he is now one.
Make room Mr. Darcy, shuffle along Jamie Fraser, surrender a cushion Lestat de Lioncourt, Lord Guildford Dudley has entered the chat.
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👑  Rewriting history because why the hell not? - especially when it's righting a misogynist wrong, which is most of history, if we're being honest.
I don't know if Jane Grey was up to monarchical fuckery (who wasn't in those days, though?), but I do know cutting a woman's head off just because you don't want her as your monarch is some archaic, sexist bullshit, and I am all for delivering justice to her in fiction.
And throwing some fantasy in for good measure slash simply because, again, why the hell not?
#my lady jane from that's that me espresso!

🐴  Shapeshifters - I just like them?
No, really, I really, really like them. Who wouldn't want to transform into a beast at any given moment?
My animal choice? Red panda; we share the same OTT reactions to things. Make a semi-loud noise and you'll see.
#my lady jane from Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

👑 Holy sexual tension hell it's hot in this here show - this is pure hedonism, but when you find an onscreen coupling that hits all the right notes (insta-lust, enemies to lovers, bicker-flirting, hate-fucking, best friends, marriage of convenience, forced proximity, I would die for you vibes), you pray to all the deities in the known universe that you get to roll around in that raunchy swampy soup for at least three seasons.
And these two?
OOFT.
The eye-fucking, alone...
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#i watch for the plot from livelovecaliforniadreams

🐴 Plotlines, plotlines, plotlines! - essentially, there's like... *counts on fingers* ... twelve billion unfinished ones, and they're all compelling, all unhinged, and all in desperate need of exploring.
Running Away Lady Jane Grey GIF

Thus.
Season two is not a want, it's a need, plus it's too pretty to leave it at that.
So, gimme it, Amazon.
Don't be stingy.

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The musical stylings of bands that sounds just like my beloved Belchers:

The way La Dispute as Gene is sending me!
But I have to take umbrage with Dead On A Sunday; whilst definitely on point, Bob is clearly Neil Hannon of The Divine Comedy genius:

Where's Linda, though?
There must be some band out there to match her "dulcet" tones.
fox tv linda belcher GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment

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Rainbow Rowell's, The Prince and the Troll:

I know this was trying to tell me something about capitalism, global warming, the class divide, and various coffee drinks apparently being the way to a troll's heart, but honestly, I'm just bummed because Rainbow Rowell made me root for these two and didn't deliver on the happy ending.
Fucking fairy tales, I love them but they rarely end well.
Not Cool The Barbarian And The Troll GIF

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Peter de Sève's Easy Being Green, It Is Not:

Genuinely, who is the wisest out of the short, green icons?
Please tell me, because I just don't know.
(Does anyone remember who did this? I think it's Mitchell Wu but I'm finding absolutely no evidence to support that)

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Favourite authors/illustrators dropping the goods:

Ilona Andrews, Maggie the Undying

Read more, here.

Rachel Smythe, Eleanor's Deathbed and Patients in the Dark

Read more, here.

...
The world might be on fire but the authors are authoring, so I can at least yeet myself into a fictional world instead of the fucking sun.
Wait until 2025, though?
Piece of cake, I'll just be here, scream-crying my fucking head off until January 1st.
Anime Crying In My Sleep GIF Anime Crying In My Sleep Tears, 52% OFF

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Trev Cimenski's quiet summer:

It's been one of those quiet summers,
lying listening to the heat,
the hot, soft sigh of the earth.
And I'll spend the evenings eating peaches,
wishing the bees would come,
to kiss the sugar off my chin

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Mr. & Mrs. Smith season one:

My brain for the the entire season:
Well Stan Twitter GIF

It legit took until the last episode for me to get into this, a full eight episodes to realise that I love these idiots, they're the absolute worst, and I could watch them be awkward morons for ten seasons.

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But it did take a whole season for that to happen, and I attribute this to the show being nothing like the movie, which was my frame of reference going in.

As with any adaptation, there's certain expectations, y'know?

I don't want a carbon copy but I do want the essence of the thing to stay true (see: Interview with the Vampire, which made a shit book/movie into a fucking masterpiece), which... the show... didn't?

But in a... good way?

Excuse the multiple ellipses, I'm figuring out how I feel as we go: which is helplessly confused and increasingly obsessed.

It was that last episode, it rewired my watching experience from perpetually hunching my shoulders in WTF, this is so awkward, why is it like this?! discomfort, to WTF, they're horrible and perfect for each other, and it's bloody amazing! unhinged, squeeing glee.

Quite the turn around, and a lot of it is due to my love for Donald Glover and Maya Erskine, two seriously funny people who slid into these toxic roles with the kind of ungainly confidence of putting on a wetsuit over damp skin: uncomfortable, close-fitting, will end in a temper tantrum of epic proportions.

Which doesn't sound all that appealing, does it?

But it is, it so is, but only if you can lean into how frustrating the Smiths are, how badly behaved they are, how fucking weird they are.

image


Then, and only then, will you get this show.

I almost didn't.

Thank fuck my freak matched its freak in the end.

Now, what's this I hear about them not coming back for season two?

Like... I see what you're going for and I don't hate the format, but...

Lying Crystal Ball GIF by goodfortunesonly


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Katia Meraki making the most unholy of mashups:

Can you imagine how feral this would be?
Tiny Luci would have Charlie's tower stocked full of depression duckies and would wreak havoc on her hair supplies while Alastor popped in sporadically constantly so they could flirt shamelessly, and gossip like the little hell bitches they are.
...
I need this, I need it so bad.
lucifer hazbin hotel - GIFs - Imgur

.............................................

The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare:

Respectfully watching for the story.
...
The story:
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Except there was nothing respectful about the way I was watching, though.
Nothing. at. all.
Which Movie Mum Are You?

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