without hesitation or remorse

I miss my cats.

I miss their ticklish toes and the soft spot behind their ears.

I miss my hand on their bellies, kneading the fur between my fingers and listening to their blissful purrs.

I miss the way they smelled of rain and warmth and some place more home than home itself.

I miss the way they knew when i was sad and curled up on my lap, my chest, my stomach.

I miss surrendering the entirety of my bed to something a tenth of my size.

I miss the way i could make them yawn by gently rubbing the bridge of their nose.

I miss their markings and the colour of the pads on their paws, all the same, yet completely distinct.

I miss their voices, obnoxious and sweet.

I miss them, my four.

I hate that i no longer have any scratch marks to prove they were mine.

I hate that our house feels so empty but not empty at all.

I hate that it feels so normal now but that i still watch my footing in the dark.

I hate that i still find their fur on my clothes and soon that will end.

I miss my cats and i'm not dealing so well with that tonight.

Forgive me.

But i miss them.

My four.

Listening to: Shores 'Something in the Way (Nirvana cover)'